Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
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Top comments
JessieTaft 17
Great start to the day.
TheGriizlyBear 22
More Dora, less Family Guy
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Comments (94)
shadowofbong 16
This has happened to me once, and the hysterical laughter is uncontrollable. I wouldn't think much of it. Sometimes you just can't help the random things that make you laugh. And you don't find out what they are until it happens. Hypothetically, not funny, but practically, it can send you into neverending laughter since it's so unexpected.
alicealiveordead 13
Exactly!
LMF1 3
This made my day!! XD
wookieewhosshe 29
yeah that is pretty funny... sorry if I'm a psychopath :P
Amaris_lovell 11
I like this kid sounds like me, which probably isn't a good thing....
xxDemonAngelxx 14
DEMON SPAWN!!
10187ok 7
Pop! goes the birdy.
Dopeshit_fml 4
lol well some awesome girl you got! haha its incredible being that chill in such a situation lol
Omniprism 15
Time to teach her some compassion and empathy. Maybe do some charity work at a hospital, an animal clinic or something to that effect. Good luck.
technomom 5
ignore the weak hearts. being emotionally troubled by the death of a random animal actually is a sign of required councling. your child is well adjusted and will go far in life. at some point in the last 40 years it has become the norm for people to be cowardly, weak, selfish, self~entitled crybabies and anyone who's not gets labled a monster. your kids doing great and will be one of the few well adjusted tho I would have washed out that potty mouth of hers.
imamaniac 4
i would do that, too