Miss In a relationship
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML
Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML
Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML
Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML
Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML
Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML
Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML
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