Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML
Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML
Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML
Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
Today, I tried to tell a funny story at a party, but halfway through I forgot the punchline. I panicked and awkwardly mumbled something while everyone stared at me, waiting for something funny to happen. FML
Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML
Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML
Today, I tried to act confident at a work mixer by telling a funny story. Halfway through, I gestured too wildly and knocked an entire bowl of pretzels off the table. Everyone watched them scatter across the floor like confetti. I just kept talking. FML
Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML
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Top comments
BubbleGrunge 18
You didn't say HOW you were gonna make people laugh, so I say you succeeded in doing exact what comedians are supposed to do!
VasiIisa 5
I suppose you've mastered the art of the...spit-take.
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Comments (45)
BubbleGrunge 18
You didn't say HOW you were gonna make people laugh, so I say you succeeded in doing exact what comedians are supposed to do!
RoboCunnilingus 23
Exactly. I like op's unorthodox methods.
chabelo 10
exactly. ...just say that it was part of the show
quontag 15
Exactly 17... Just copy what the last two people just inferred.
\ 28
Suck your teeth and swallow before you talk to minimize spitting... A wise friend taught me that.
VasiIisa 5
I suppose you've mastered the art of the...spit-take.
LaLince 40
Another meaning of spit-take..
perdix 31
I guess you're like Gallagher without the sledgehammer.
olpally 33
Well that's mortifying. I wouldn't be able to continue if I were you...
RedPillSucks 33
excellent user name, sylvester.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
You mean...exthellent uthername Thylvester!
Confused77 3
I guess you were the SPITTING image of a comedian on stage..
perdix 31
Who is "they?" You'd better fix that problem -- guys prefer girls that don't spit . . . if you know what I mean ;)
cosicosei 22
Hahah you made it rain! What a baller.
awkward611 26
I'm sorry OP but that really is funny I would have laughed too.