Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought an expensive blanket to help warm up for the winter. Right after I put it on the bed, my dog jumped up and peed on it. FML
Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. Twenty minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML
Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, I arrived at my grandparents'. They already had guests so I had to sleep in the cottage. It wasn’t that bad until when I was making the bed I found a dead rotting possum in the blankets. When I told my grandmother, she simply said, "Deal with it, wimp." FML
Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
Today, I saw my grandfather kick my dog, who is a 6-pound chihuahua, across the room. When I confronted him about it, he screamed at me for having "too much sex during the apocalypse" and "invading my brain with your pancakes." This man is my legal guardian for 3 more years. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
"I did not have sexual relations with that blanket" - Senator Dog
BubbleGrunge 18
You better watch your ass OP! After all, you were cuddling with the dogs lover all night!
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Comments (65)
BubbleGrunge 18
You better watch your ass OP! After all, you were cuddling with the dogs lover all night!
Dracoboxer357 36
......(awaits a tasteless 3-some joke involving Op, the dog, and the blanket.....) :p
RoboCunnilingus 23
Keep waiting.
hemz_fml 13
My dog does the same thing
Wizardo 34
"I did not have sexual relations with that blanket" - Senator Dog
RoboCunnilingus 23
Monica Chewinski.
ironichalibut 24
Aren't they all just dogs?..
byron17 26
Why did I read this in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice?!?! o.0
pmwws 3
I think you mean president dog.
Watermelon2011 6
Well damn....
saIty 17
You didn't realize the.. crustiness?
Wizardo 34
I bet it was... clammy.
saIty 17
With a hint of loss of dignity.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Again- really need to stop reading during breakfast :o
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Or lunch.
timelessone 16
or consuming fluids.
sisco2901 20
or lying under a blanket with a dog in the house.
barricadebabe 15
Hope you didn't get the sent on you... good luck OP.
barricadebabe 15
****, scent. Goddamn autocorrect, scent is a ******* word.
LaLince 40
Did it taste good?
Dracoboxer357 36
6- Taste good?? You typically Eat the blanket you're using to keep warm? O.o Interesting. Well okay then, no judgments... ;P
molzipan 16
I've been doing it wrong this whole time?
Uramonkey 11
Maybe OP likes dog cum?
AverageJoey 18
Be Careful you dont want the dog to start giving you the "love" eyes
omg36 7
"I call it the baby maker"
shorty6823 28
My little dog has a stuffed animal for that. She also likes to hold on to it when cuddling people...
olpally 33
Taking doggy style to a whole new level... Literally. Lol. I suggest taking a shower and burning your clothes like jim Carey did in ace Ventura: pet detective :D haha.
Enslaved 38
Sounds like doggy ****-- "Ace Ventura: Pet my Erection"
perdix 31
Didn't the blanket keep you all warm and gooey, like a S'More? Wasn't the dog pissed that you were sleeping with his bitch?
Warmonger_Smurf 29
And never going to eat a s'more again.
perdix 31
#42, well, if you're not going to finish that one, I couldn't let it go to waste. . .