Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML
Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML
Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML
Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
Today, I tried to tell a funny story at a party, but halfway through I forgot the punchline. I panicked and awkwardly mumbled something while everyone stared at me, waiting for something funny to happen. FML
Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML
Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML
Today, I tried to act confident at a work mixer by telling a funny story. Halfway through, I gestured too wildly and knocked an entire bowl of pretzels off the table. Everyone watched them scatter across the floor like confetti. I just kept talking. FML
Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML
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Top comments
BubbleGrunge 18
You didn't say HOW you were gonna make people laugh, so I say you succeeded in doing exact what comedians are supposed to do!
VasiIisa 5
I suppose you've mastered the art of the...spit-take.
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Comments (45)
Pstraka6 20
Hey, you're doing your job making them laugh! You can easily make light of that situation. It takes some balls to go up in front of people and do that!
SparkleFace 14
Also spit is a sign of good annunciation. Keep up the good work. You might want to stand a little farther back next time.
ScenicSubterfuge 39
Haha, did you beat a record?
buckeyed 20
good username! hopefully itsh rabbit sheason
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
I see what youre doing... talking like sylvester. ..apparently no one else does. thumbs up for trying to sound like that over text.
buckeyed 20
haha thanks! or daffy duck!
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
ohhh ya daffy duck. lol my bad
Aero_x 21
Say it, don't spray it!
eikaj92 1
I do believe you meant 'sufferin' succotash'....
danidanidani 10
Lol next time your show needs a splash zone
Dipmunch 13
Atleast you didn't choke, you just spit it out :D
thatnucca 36
What was the final tally? I'm just curious...
Enslaved 38
"When you enunciate, you spit!"
alwayswinning123 7
At least you made people laugh and didn't get booed off stage