Today, a 5th grader tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, “Don’t ever watch Two Girls, One Cup. Trust me.” While I appreciate the advice, I am dreading the phone call home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
Today, my five-year-old son threatened to kill another kid at school. I told the teacher I would have a talk with my son about how that’s not okay. The teacher replied that I’d better call the cops in case he “follows through.” Did I mention the kid is five? FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML
Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML
Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML
Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML
Today, my five year-old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML
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Top comments
Glowworm56 27
To this very day, I have never seen that video--and I never will. I'd rather watch a cat video. Cat videos are adorable.
DragonMaiden7 15
Well, at least the poor kid didn’t watch One Man, One Jar...
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Comments (13)
Glowworm56 27
To this very day, I have never seen that video--and I never will. I'd rather watch a cat video. Cat videos are adorable.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Consider yourself lucky.
Glowworm56 27
More like smart if you ask me. I know vaguely what it's about--in the fact that it's disgusting and disturbing. That's all I need to know.
DragonMaiden7 15
Well, at least the poor kid didn’t watch One Man, One Jar...
Lobby_Bee 18
Sounds like some sound advice, I would inform their parents though. That shit is inappropriate for people at ANY age.
mike3775 39
Wonder if the kid been to lemon party yet
cornelius74d 13
Why do I continue to google things I read here...
BrotherPhil 35
Rule 35: Never Google things you see on FML.
RichardPencil 32
The phone call you make to the home will be child’s play compared to the one you’re going to get after the parents stupidly ignore their kid’s sage advice!
Yudith 28
"And that is the reason why you should keep all the computers' batteries and chargers in a safe."
mattyiscool123 26
Just don’t call them, it’s not necessary...
samwilliams800 28
It’s not as bad as 5 girls finger paint.