Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to be adventurous and try a new exotic fruit. I bought a dragon fruit, but no one warned me that it looks better on Instagram than it tastes. Now I have a fridge full of disappointment and a dragon fruit that's more like a dragon letdown. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML
Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sesh54 7
uhh......well worded and described I guess........
dolphincheddar 10
so you have a reputation of eating shit from the Bowels of Satan and you wanted to keep it? is this charlie sheens fml?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (414)
ibzicraz 0
What reputation, u seem like a dumbass to me
NomsdePourquoi 3
yes exactly
ibzicraz 0
What is tht anyways ? N if most people here like it then I think it probably wasn't durian lol it probably was cat shit
stevenmx86 8
I am so tired of people going "omg how do you know what cat poop tastes like? Lurl!" Most people, when they say stuff like that really either mean "it tastes like (blank) smells" or they're just trying to give people an idea of exactly how bad it is. They're not tasting it going "hmm it's strange i get a slight hint of dried cat shit and basil is I think the other flavor" they're probably just imagining that cat shit tastes bad and have smelled a litter box... Get a new damn joke...
pdgmaster 6
and obviously the people commenting "how do you know what cat poop tastes like" are just being humorous........sarcastically speaking here btw.
maddylovesu 5
whoa, theyre just being sarcastic...(;
Mach10 0
"Humerous" would suggest they were saying something funny. You know, instead of lame, cliched and puerile.
DrewsFML 8
LMAO cat shit and is that a hint of basil?
mbrooks5110 0
Why does what other people want to say bother you? Get over it...
angryyute 4
STFU!!!
CaughtChaLookin 0
lmao
HU4L188 0
seriously. is your reputation THAT important
fattyevan 0
had one before, best to hide it in your school or work. after a while it starts to smell like a gas leak and everyone gets evacuated.
steveakafranxy 7
^^^ WIN!!
Daddymo 14
Worst fruit ever. The smell stays on your fingers for ages too.
kduubb 7
how would you know what dried cat shit tastes like ?
Person1233 13
If you've smelled something, you can give a good indication of what it tastes like.
redbluegreen 41
Except for coffee. Those deceiving berries!
kduubb 7
well i'm sorry i don't go around smelling cat shit..
xXRiah_GirlXx 9
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO. that is all.
LoveMay 10
omg we were in Thailand once and my mom actually took a durian BY HER OWN WILL and ATE IT! aaah xD I wodbt get near it though. really does smell like shit. :p just something funny in Thailand: we were at the metro. here is what the signs read: no food no drink no pets no smoking no durians im serious lmao xP
HJ0HN50N 4
uhm didn't no food technically already cover durians? So why'd they put it up specifically
redbluegreen 41
That's just the way they do it. Probably to reinforce the fact that they are not allowed. There are signs like "No durians!" posted in hotels, the trains, and other places because the smell is so strong and can linger for quite a long time.