Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to be adventurous and try a new exotic fruit. I bought a dragon fruit, but no one warned me that it looks better on Instagram than it tastes. Now I have a fridge full of disappointment and a dragon fruit that's more like a dragon letdown. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML
Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML
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Top comments
Sesh54 7
uhh......well worded and described I guess........
dolphincheddar 10
so you have a reputation of eating shit from the Bowels of Satan and you wanted to keep it? is this charlie sheens fml?
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Comments (414)
staticninja 8
I ate one too. pretty accurate description.
Absterrrr 6
i'd do stupid shit, and even i wouldnt eat that.
Cirso65 7
What is darian? I guess this is a good time to use google.
lazypengu1n 1
Are you serious?! Weak sauce!
rayquaza5000 4
OP is gonna offend a lot of durian lovers.
12dcevin 5
there delicious once you get past the smell
sparky8907 0
that fruit is terrible. it is actually illegal to open it in hotels and public places in some countries.
siyuan161 0
it is sticky as shiiiit
Hunter23236 5
they put a disclaimer on the damn fruit....fail
kencutie020 0
what's durian?