Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML
Today, I finally got round to cleaning out my refrigerator. As I reached the back, I found an unidentifiable, moldy object lurking in the corner. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was once a cucumber. I'm growing science experiments in my fridge. FML
Today, I finally found out what that weird smell in my apartment was. My ex-boyfriend had been breaking into my apartment and hiding rotting fruit all over the place. I found this out when a ceiling panel fell and a swarm of fruit flies attacked me. FML
Today, I found a mysterious container in the back of my fridge. I opened it to try and figure out what it was. I still don't know what it was, but now my entire flat smells like it. FML
Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML
Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML
Today, I was craving a cold Coke, so I grabbed one from the freezer where I had put it to chill quickly. As soon as I opened it, the can exploded all over me and the kitchen. I spent the next hour cleaning sticky residue off the floor, surrounding furniture, and even the ceiling. FML
Today, I cleaned out my filthy car. I found an odd, unlabeled tin under the seat, and opened it out of curiosity. It sprayed stinking juice everywhere and filled the house with a horrifying smell. It was Surströmming, half rotten fish, that someone must have stuck in as a prank. FML
Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML
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Top comments
LostInTheZone11 29
On the plus side your wording is top notch.
LyricaSilvan 30
That sounds terrible, but I laughed pretty hard at the term "fruit cheese." I wish you luck getting it cleaned up. You definitely don't want that smell sticking around.
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Comments (31)
Bassam24 21
Holy shit that must suck...good luck cleaning it.
LostInTheZone11 29
On the plus side your wording is top notch.
Lalala579121 28
OP may not have a future as a watermelon farmer, but as an author? There's a chance.
LyricaSilvan 30
That sounds terrible, but I laughed pretty hard at the term "fruit cheese." I wish you luck getting it cleaned up. You definitely don't want that smell sticking around.
hkhan24 23
It must have been left there a long time to get that bad.
klutzyduck1 24
Bright side: you could be the next Gallagher. His exploding watermelons don't have anything on your trick! I feel bad, that's going to be awful to clean. And from your description of the grossness, you will probably never eat watermelon again.
meghanclean 17
I'm in awe with your description... that's disgusting.
awildwhisper 30
Very good use of adjectives for visual stimulation.
species4872 20
You do realize that because of the watermelon escapade most of the audience has now left.
TabooSushi 24
Keep all possible windows/sources of ventilation open for as long as possible for a good while. It's probably the only way the smell will eventually dissipate.
hanslicktenstein 21
try getting a high pressure hose and spraying it out
thatweirdasian 22
Yes, let's just flood the kitchen instead.