Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I nearly burnt a hole in my esophagus because I couldn’t stand my dad’s taunts about me not being able to stomach ghost pepper hot sauce. Irony is a cruel bitch. FML
Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, I had a stomach bug, but despite it I swallowed a mouthful of habanero sauce on a dare. I ended up projectile vomiting on a wall outside, lost my sense of balance and fell over on the sidewalk, almost blacked out from the tightness in my chest, and had to refuse an ambulance that somebody had called. All for $5. FML
Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML
Today, I have an awful stomach virus. I can only drink liquids and can't eat anything solid, especially anything spicy. My dad forced me to eat the fajitas he'd made for dinner and screamed at me when I told him I couldn't, then screamed at me again for "wasting food" when I predictably threw up all over the floor. FML
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML
Today, my dad called me into the bathroom, saying, "Get a load of this shit, son" and forcing me to look at the biggest, foulest-smelling turd I have ever seen in my life in the toilet. It's been three hours and I still feel physically ill. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
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Top comments
unluckiestperson_fml 14
With a name like "Tasmanian habanero", I'd steer clear.
iluvboobies 9
tough shit
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Comments (113)
agaba 0
Well that's a shitty situation
Marcella1016 32
Better out than in.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I know how you feel op I ate like 5 bags of hot cheetos and man my ass was on FIIIRE! :O
ifailplzinsultme 0
well that's an overused pun
MagicGiraffe 12
Milk is the best cure for a burning throat from a pepper
WCARlover 35
Why do people still comment this? It's. Not. Funny.
dani212 0
Very original #1... veeeery original. >.
Pixxio_O 11
Your buttsticles must be on fire
SCREAM4meeee 0
once I ate a pepper so hot it made my nose bleed :S
ramboman19 8
19 - dude I ate flamin hot cheetos before bed and woke up at like 5:30AM and puked haha. My throat was on fire! That's all I had to eat that day though. Lol so that's why
ariannaa_fml 17
44- same here. It happened to like 10 different kids at my school because someone decided to bring lunch from a Mexican restaurant and dared everyone to take a bite from some spicy pepper.
LiveLaughFML 10
if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. or in this case bathroom. :S
kevsnev 7
If your mouth still burns, then you should eat powder donuts since it's a base.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Soo he should shove milk up his butt? :P
redbluegreen 41
You guys have got to be kidding me. Hot Cheetos are actually incredibly mild.
enonymous 9
74 I have "milk" in my butt all the time but really who doesn't?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
RBG, I can barely handle spicy foods but i still love them :D Still, hot Cheetos are to me one of the hottest foods I've eaten, and I've had raw habeneros and stuff before :P be nice ;)
SoccerRebel594 0
I'm just wondering how his toilet felt after this event...poor thing is scarred for life.
echogekko 7
Waaaaaaayyy too much info
TheRealHouse 7
One time I snorted peppers to clear up my sinuses.. It didn't go so well
Nekalashae1 0
ouch
_Oblivion_ 12
i found using a little to much tabasco on a sub or sutn works, works real good at cleaning sinuses
tatababe 1
Pwned by your dad
abdinoor 0
well I'm guessing at the end of the day, he had a pretty hott ass ;-)
andy_l 14
Go to sushi restaurant, eat "green ice cream", profit.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
Pansies, all of you. I willingly add peppers to everything I eat, even if the unbearable shit later on almost kills me. But, c'mon, almost dying from hot Cheetos, wth?
norskchic 9
it may go in smooth, but it comes out feisty.
ramboman19 8
Why do I get all the thumbs down?
Jammy01jams 2
Believe me OP I know what you mean FYL. Tai chili pepper. It burned going in which I was use to. Burned coming out. Not expected. And holy he'll did it burn, it was like ******** over top of a camp fire. I was late for school too. Never doing that again. I was sobbing taking a dump.
ibitehard 9
I remember that my cousins would have a bunch of contests seeing who could eat the most hot peppers without water. That was 5 years ago, I still don't know exactly why they did it.
Lyposuction1 0
i agree!!! they are *******
mikem10 0
Agaba is a fag
Killer_fel 15
Yes it is.
DarkScythe951 4
Me and my friend both ate a complete ghost pepper... It was like swallowing a tiny sun...
iluvboobies 9
tough shit
annasworld 3
guess you just couldn't take the heat ;)
WCARlover 35
Once again...these puns, not funny
flockz 20
Dont depress the pun makers of FML. You're gonna make their dreams go up in flames.
Zafrina15 13
41, if you don't find it funny then don't comment? Like the saying goes, if you've nothing good to say, don't say anything at all.
SoccerRebel594 0
I'm pretty sure this would be incredibly lose shit, if not liquidly, and the only tough part would be putting out the fire :P
DrewsFML 8
The thing is a good pun is *clever*, which these puns are not. Take the old joke: Patient: "Doctor, I got a strawberry stuck up my butt!" Doctor: "No problem, I have a cream for that." While you may find the joke corny, it is very clever to use the two meanings of cream in that way. Compare that to saying a person who had the "*****" was in a "shitty" situation. That is in no universe considered clever or funny.
Youdrongo 0
In my experience, my shit isn't very tough after eating extremely spicy food. Pun: Failed.
elvmem2 6
My cousin did something like that when we were little...she's never wa
gomie 0
You should have shit in the freezer !!
ohSNAPyall 27
114 the more you know.... Seriously, thanks for sharing. Good explanation.
cmyk 19
Hahaha! Im sorry op, but this made me laugh loud rl!
hurrican_fml 0
Wa?
TheMadScientist 13
Ouch!
otb113 7
"Ouch" is no way to describe the culo burner OP had to endure.... I'm pretty sure countless "**** **** **** **** ****"s were used in the process.
CCrunner2 0
Yeah that would HURT
chuymac 3
Yeah a red ring is no bueno, smh.
thefriendlyc 0
Meh try a ghost pepper those things aren't even legal to sell habaneros don't Ben compare
gbreck 0
Looks like the op *takes off sunglasses*... Couldn't take that heat... YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
kickboxer1 0
that's not something you share with the world.
instnt1nfction 17
Keep that to yourself, don't share your comments to the world
TheMadScientist 13
Grow up!
Lucie_love 4
Neither is your mom but that didn't stop her.
jesustheskater 5
#25- thats not nice.
oneleggedbeauty 0
Ahh hah. Looks like another slutty misguided girl looking for attention anyway she can get it(: grow up. It's FML they can be much more disgusting
nerdness 2
well you shoulda took the pepers and shoved it in his eyes. fyl!
tecktonik123 0
winn! xD
Zombielanddd 7
I remember my first habanero, and I think you will too lol
unluckiestperson_fml 14
With a name like "Tasmanian habanero", I'd steer clear.
eagles15 3
With a nickname like "butt hole annihilator" I wouldn't eat it...
SoccerRebel594 0
You think it just annihilated his butthole? Uh huh, that's a full digestive system nuke. He's going to need life support and full internal reconstructive surgery.
leblancG 0
Well hes alive so he probably doesn't need that.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
Ive had one, their not that hot..
smartypants96 3
um yes they are
unluckiestperson_fml 14
I agree with 128, I think spicy things aren't that spicy and my mum, eating the same thing, will be like dying in a corner.
Norrisv5 8
That's why he was tricked...
goebsy 8
Mmm, spicy.
mikem10 0
Always Burns worse the second time around
Miny_fml 0
soo u just eat a random pepper? ydi
iluvboobies 9
That's hot!
instnt1nfction 17
So a girl grunting on the toilet with plopping sounds is hot?
iluvboobies 9
You are just trying to get me all hot and bothered, aren't you? You tease!
RedPillSucks 33
Ok, the "bothered" part has been accomplished... Only one more to go.