Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML
Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML
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Top comments
dasteve 0
Chillies on your willy!
Agent36263626 4
At least you know where the burning is coming from...
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Comments (382)
Dojan 16
I suppose op is the only person who uses the toilet. Who's to say he was cooking at that specific moment? Maybe he really had to go and pee. I don't know anyone who washes their hands prior to a bathroom visit, and the fact that he handled capsaicin probably just slipped his mind.
kareltje 17
Well, really... I'm sorry, but you sound just as stupid as OP. If it says on the package you shouldn't touch eyes, nose, pets, etc. then you wash your hands (several times) after you handled the stuff that came from the package, no matter WHAT you do afterward, because you KNOW it's going to hurt if you don't, be it to go blow your nose, whack off, or go for a regular bathroom visit.
Timmeeh 17
It doesn't actually come off very well through hand washing (unless you're willing to bleach your hands). I've done much the same thing at OP, although I scrubbed the hell out of my hands (quite aware of what chili hands do to the more sensitive parts of you, penis included) and merely thought that a combination of the loss of a layer of skin and a few hours passing would be enough. It was not. I wear gloves to chop chilis now...
AmbrosiaWriter 17
You should ALWAYS wash your hands before AND after you are done cooking, and sometimes several times during the process depending on what you are making. If you're handling raw meat, wash your hands before moving on to the next stage of food preparation. If you're handling something that you don't want the volatile chemicals landing anywhere other than your mouth when you eat it, wear gloves. Etc.
justintwist 0
Well duh you idiot
bryanorange 3
Dumbass every body knows not to touch sensitive body parts after handling spicy food, well everybody i know and plus y u thouchn your penis?
chrisiffer 17
been there
tdotk1d 6
Dumb ass, YDI
ak90 0
That sucks, but what's sad is should have use common sense ain't that hard to figure out
roozer 3
you're supposed to use gloves. but it still sucks
wriptidez 0
duh
Khatar_fml 0
Spicy oils are like preparing to have sex... Always handle after wearing your glove
HelloImBrandon 0
Seven