Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML
Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML
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Top comments
dasteve 0
Chillies on your willy!
Agent36263626 4
At least you know where the burning is coming from...
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Comments (382)
xangelxjennx02 2
Deserved it! Totally implied!!!
megamandude455 10
Penis was implied. I think you aren't supposed to handle anything that has feelings
kr89 3
Sorry about that
Dc040583 6
Don't try to take a leak after getting tobasco sauce on your hands either. Been there, done that. Even jalapeno oil will do it. Also don't insert or remove contact lenses.
asherm 15
I knew a guy who decided to keep contacts in while getting pepper sprayed (for training) despite being told, and in writing, to take them out. Dumbass! And so is this guy for trying to rub one out w/ pepper oil.
cathyfang1533 12
Does super hot ghost peppers turn you on?
marissamay25 3
So you touched the peppers then had an inch? Wash your hands there more buddy, lol.
smump 0
I would assume that no one could be so retarded as to touch their junk after handling ANYTHING spicy.
OneNightAtLeClub 0
Is it hot in here or is it just your flaming penis.
bigdaddy93 8
dude ur an idiot and ur life suuuucks im glad im not u
ashleycuddlebear 0
That's kinda of a no brainer dude :/