Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML
Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I was making one of those microwavable pizza kits. Realizing I had no crushed red pepper to put on it, my mom suggested using a chili pepper she had dried. Thinking it was a great idea, I cracked it open on my pizza and out popped some fuzzy white mold and two maggots. FML
Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML
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Top comments
dasteve 0
Chillies on your willy!
Agent36263626 4
At least you know where the burning is coming from...
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Comments (382)
afulks78 11
Well that's a given. Dumb ass
RinaVampire31 18
Should've figured? Dumbass.
RoseTintMyWorld 8
I feel like that goes without saying.
brun12 1
That should have been common sense
Wederoney 16
Or you know... you could have used your brain dumbass.
ih82bl8 2
WELL DUUUUH
at1325 0
"Oh it says not to touch my nose or pets, but touching my dick should be fine" fucktard it didn't occur to you that it might not be a good idea to touch other things? What different do you see between your nose and your dick? Just that your dick has more nerves.
McDonaldsworker 4
Hey #89 Stop hating on OP, You Gotta remember that retards are people too!
Ins_Knie 2
There are some differences between nose and penis, most notably blowing it...
benderbot19 0
Can you **** people with your nose?
paetonkristine 4
REALLY? Shut your fat self up and enjoy his pain..OK??
ThatLooksSticky 16
Why are you being so incredibly bitchy? Did it ever occur to you that after the OP finished cooking, he washed his hands, and then...(wait for it!) had to urinate? Does holding his dick to urinate still make him a fucktard?
AmbrosiaWriter 17
Well, considering he mentioned "They should've added penis to the list" I don't think he washed his hands before grabbing hold of his junk to urinate/readjust/do whatever.
paetonkristine 4
ok, delete my comment because you cant lie to yourself
LennyComa 39
Sometimes it's a wonder the human race got this far
captainfalcon7 0
try lotion.. not peppers!
taty7659 4
Wow sorry but ur retarted
daminantion 14
You're* Retarded* Along with the several mistakes in your profile. Nice try though, points for effort?