Nick
United States
Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Hillsboro, United States
Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML
Etta
United States
Peel
Today, I stayed home from work, feeling ill. Come lunchtime, I made myself some ramen noodles, thinking that the broth would feel good on my throat. Too bad I sneezed while carrying the bowl, dumping the boiling hot broth all down my front. The skin on my boob peeled away like tissue. FML
ke
United States
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Anonymous
Clumsy
Today, I was making Cup Noodles for breakfast. After microwaving it for 3 minutes, I carefully grabbed the cup to pour some water out, but my hand gave out and some water spilled on it. Now I have a burned hand and no noodles. FML
mwja
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
France
The gush
Today, thanks to a particularly spicy bowl of noodles, my nose decided it would rather be a fountain. A fountain of blood. FML
SkinsCastSelection
France
Today, I broke my nose by sneezing too close to a table. FML
Anonymous
Date night
Today, I sneezed while eating a bowl of soup. As I did, a glob of carrot shot out of my nose like a missile, and I couldn’t stop laughing. My boyfriend, who was sitting across from me, wasn’t so amused when the glob splashed all over his white shirt. He’s now mad at me for “ruining his only smart shirt.” FML
Anonymous
Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML
klutz
Canada
Today, while grabbing a husk of corn out of the boiling hot pot, I splashed hot water on my neck, dropped the corn on my injured toe, and cut myself on the counters, all while my family laughed at my pain. FML
yankesik
This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff
Kalisz, Poland
Excavation time
Today, I sneezed hard while eating some quite spicy potato chips at my friend's house. Some of the chips passed to the nasal cavity, and I ended up having to pick my nose for some pointy, spicy chips shrapnel. FML
Top comments
angry_girl 0
you forked yourself ... who hasn't
maskedman 9
wow. was there penetration or was it like softcore ****?
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Comments (172)
ipod_addict 0
first!
deathcab7 0
i dont get it, what does being first mean? an why do some get deleated? ive never figured thiss out.
KurouTenshi 0
@53: It means to be the first ever to comment, instead of being #5 or #36 or #191, you're #1, and so some people see an uncommented FML and immediately think "I'll be first!" and so they comment with "First!" : And its deleted for a multitude of reasons that possibly include: starting arguments and putdown throwdowns, and the fact that the comment doesn't actually comment in anyway on the FML be it positive or negative, but simply writes out "FIRST!" :P Also, @1: I know what you mean, I made the first comment on the dad-with-boner FML and being First is just the same as having any other numbered comment, LOL
Menick47 0
Baisicly it's where if you type "first" u may be the number one on the list of comments. It's a stupid trick they use but, it only lasts for a little while. Normally, real comments soon take their place, and theirs gets deleted. Your lucky they choose you for the actual first instead of the millions of retards who just put "first".
deathcab7 0
yaaaayyy (: haha thanks! I am now more knowledge filled than i was an hour ago
fmlgal58 0
wow
AngryNinja 1
i like to call this 'first disease', and all the people with said disease try to infect us with their firsties-calling. but the mod-doctors save us. ^.^
x_HELLo_tHERE_x 0
Yay; a rare 1st comment that isn't just one word!
Tripout 0
I DONT SEE WHY OP HAS TO SAY THEY WERE CARRYING A "HOT CUP OF NOODLES" WHEN THEY STABBED THEMSELVES NOT BURNED THEMSELVES
deathcab7 0
@ 96 yaaaaaaayyy! thats just how i roll (: hahaa and 100, even though you had to blatantly use all caps and draw attention, you have a point i guess. the noodles being hot have nothing to do with getting stabbed :/
MimiKnox 0
#100, I'm guessing that OP had one hand carrying noodles, one hand carrying fork. When OP sneezed, he/she used the hand with fork to cover his/her nose, hence accidentally stabbing him/herself.
sugarbabyxoxo 2
cause they were carrying most likely there fork with there noodles so it wouldn't of just said, today I sneezed and stabbed my self in the head with a fork. it makes more sence and sounds better to say it the way the OP said it...
cmac86 24
I thought the same thing.
AKADreyadigg 0
however the op posted it, it still comes out sounding stupid
sam411411 0
fork, apply directly to the forehead
ilovefatcats 12
it's just like homer, but instead of a fork he got a nail XD
todo350 0
rofl. you respond to trolls, yet your pic is triforce. newfag poser.
awesome576 0
hahahahaha
ihatecake 0
ydi for eating fake noodles with fork
awesome576 0
hahahahaha
Lordlucian 0
LOl did u die?
dota_pwnage 7
quote: "unfortunately i did, but I lived"
angry_girl 0
you forked yourself ... who hasn't
love_the_fame 0
that is soooo true!!??? ewwww, OP is gross!
CronosDage 0
nah, not gross
walkerellis 0
fail
WhoopteDo 26
Yeah but that was not where I thought this was going.. I was expecting more along the lines of some burns..
maskedman 9
wow. was there penetration or was it like softcore ****?
ruddie 0
1 word: fail
vampyre_girly 0
it happens. gosh snickerdoodles you get on my nerves. just because it never happened to you doesn't mean it won't happen to other people. nobodys perfect. especially you
silentfog 0
This fml is awesome because of the twist endings
AngryNinja 1
where are all of our comments going? D:
freakizoid_5000 0
lol fail
Jamaal_26 0
hahaha that was a douche move