sam411411

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

Today, while in bed with my game-obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML