Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
He thought he was Charlie Sheen. Don't blame him.
Igor_g5 0
You didn't teach him how to tell real coke from BS. That's where you went wrong.
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Comments (271)
FailBear920 19
the beggining of another charlie sheen
BradenLock 4
get rid of it and start over fresh :)
FreebirdIII 1
You can't fix stupid.
girlnxdoor 1
once in school we made sherbet in science, i and my friends snuck ours outa class to lunch, a teacher then found us and accused us of having coke, (this teacher obviously had nothing to do with out science class). his way of determining that it wasnt infact coke was to stick his finger in it and taste it (he didnt go easy with the tasting either), his only passing words were "nice sherbet". also i think your kid is just stupid, lol i dont think you can blame yourself for your kid not knowing how to identify flour, baking soda given these look nothing like coke (and ive never done it but i think it would be pretty obviously) id maybe have some what more respect if it was just crushed asprin. but in general a giant LOL to the whole situation.
JennaMarie420 2
sounds like it wasn't that teachers first rodeo. he wanted a nummy
broomy89 8
about the time you thought he was a twerp
supaisu 0
how young is he? if he's at least under sixteen you should know what he's doing...
041610 0
lol calling him a twerp isnt a bad thing at all... really he should have been called an idiot
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Or a dipshit.
tona01 16
yeah dipshitfits better
tona01 16
*dipshit or maybe ******* dumbass
plebeianFelix 5
he was dismissed for simulating the use of cocaine? what's next, expulsion for pretend-smoking pretzels? seriously though, where/how did he get it, and how did he allow a narc to witness? you haven't gone wrong entirely, he's not all-the-way raised.
straz123 2
Parenting fail. I'd recommend you don't have any more kids.
ijrnelson 0
if you think about it, it's a total YDI to the max. at least op is accepting responsibility for failing to raise the kid properly. *steps off shoe box*