Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
He thought he was Charlie Sheen. Don't blame him.
Igor_g5 0
You didn't teach him how to tell real coke from BS. That's where you went wrong.
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Comments (271)
jennt89 10
This FML made my day :)
mike3775 39
wow such a loving parent you are. Instead of calling him names and trying to figure out where you went wrong, why don't you actually talk to your son and find out what his problem is? When my kids do something stupid, I don't call em stupid and other names, I talk to them to find out what the problem is, this way maybe we can work it out together
docscientist 10
Really now, twerp isn't less than deserved here?
Vitamin_C 0
You know sometimes a kid just needs to be told how stupid they are being. Your kids aren't some untouchable treasure that you can never criticize. Maybe if the little moron was told more often when he was being idiotic, he wouldn't be snorting aspirin an baking soda. This new generation of kids seems to have grown up with such fragile egos.
tmmundy 17
I'm sure op meant no harm in calling him twerp. I've heard parents call there children MUCH worse. and if he's going to act like a dumbass well the shoe fits. And whose to say op will or will not get him help. if op is a good parent she will get to the bottom of the problem. if my child did some stupid shit like that, she would be lucky if I called her twerp....lol. jk...I would be so freaking upset tho. but I don't call my girls names when I'm upset with them, only when were playing around.
ReynshineCutting 10
To all of you saying s/he's a terrible nonloving parent because she called her kid a twerp, waa waa waa. My mom always used to call me a piss ant just messing around or if I did something dumb and I'm no worse for wear. I know I'll have moments with my kids saying "what an idiot". I won't do it to their face but sometimes kids do stuff and it's like really?
Bofferding_fml 6
happy it was nothing crystalized like sugar, would have cut his whole nose up
NYC_Yoshi 3
u didn't make him secure enough to stand up to peer pressure. YDI
Elledanae 0
So would you rather it had been real coke?
stolencrackers 1
At least he wasn't busted for smoking oregano.
girlnxdoor 1
hahahaha hilarious
rattusrattus 19
I once went malteaser bobbing and got flour up my nose as a result. Trust me when I say that stuff is horrible up your nose. OP, your son is stupider than a concussed troll. And that's pretty stupid.
Digitalluv 0
i'd totally beat the crap out of my kid if he did that.
MRSMOJORISIN_fml 0
lol me too