Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, my son warned me that unless I get his older brother to stop picking on him, he’d do it himself. I didn’t take it seriously, until I got home from work to find he'd had beaten his brother unconscious. His justification was that he's warned me he’d "do it himself.“ FML
Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, my 14 year-old son got into a fight with his 15 year-old cousin. I say fight, my son just practically lamped him into orbit. When I yelled and asked why he did that, my son said, "He was mogging me." I had to get my phone out to look up what that even meant. I'm still not sure what it means. FML
Today, I gave my kid a cough drop for his sore throat. He complained about the flavor, but I told him to hush and take the medicine. Later, I had one and was shocked at how bitter and medicinal it tasted. I owe him an apology. FML
Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
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Top comments
Yudith 28
Better Ipecac syrup than broken ribs and crushed fingers. However, it would be better to keep your son away from peach pits and other sources of cyanide.
TheCrazedHare 7
Your child came to you, the person who has helped him grow and protected him. Told you his probelm, and that I'd what you said? Well he did tick up for himself and maybe you need to think about shit like that when your child comes to you for help. I'm not sorry I spoke to my parents and teachers about being bullied and for years it was bad, then when I had enough and ******* strangled the shit out of them (they lived) everyone was so shocked, guess what he never ****** with me again.
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Comments (8)
Yudith 28
Better Ipecac syrup than broken ribs and crushed fingers. However, it would be better to keep your son away from peach pits and other sources of cyanide.
Anon2000 12
What?
Grizz8831 14
Did he handle it? because if so, than he handled it pretty well I would say. I'm the oldest of 3 brothers who all went to high-school together, and not in the everyone hugs it out times, I was in high-school during the last few years of "Violence is the only option" years. when going to adults really did get you beaten up by several people. not saying the kid was right, just saying if he solved his bully problem, good on him.
TheCrazedHare 7
Your child came to you, the person who has helped him grow and protected him. Told you his probelm, and that I'd what you said? Well he did tick up for himself and maybe you need to think about shit like that when your child comes to you for help. I'm not sorry I spoke to my parents and teachers about being bullied and for years it was bad, then when I had enough and ******* strangled the shit out of them (they lived) everyone was so shocked, guess what he never ****** with me again.
Crowned Sataness 12
good. your child handled it well. they came to you because they needed help and you completely failed them as a parent. and trust me they won't forget. you told them to handle it, they handled it, and they were smart enough to deny deny deny. they don't deserve to catch any shit for this because they did your job for you.
RichardPencil 32
Keep your firearms locked up!
princess_stabitty 20
Someone here looks like a parent of the year material, huh?
bobsanction 18
He did what you told him, you don't get to be mad at him for that.