Today, I was at the doctors office after throwing up for the past week. My diagnosis? Apparently I'm the first pregnant man. After several minutes of me freaking out and him explaining how it was possible, he told me he was joking and that I'm fine, but my reaction was the best thus far. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML
Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm Dad." FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML
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Top comments
benr_fml 0
that's just funny
Jimboom 12
Hand in your testicles at the door please sir. You are way to dumb and gullible to be a man.
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Comments (162)
subbullet 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow. Sorry about that, but you should have realized you haven't had other guys... in you (unless you are gay.) That doctor sounds like an ass since he has done it to others.
lutafin 0
maybe he got himself pregnant.
biass 0
You would have been lucky. The government has to pay millions of dollars to the first pregnant man. Google it.
nerdsgetmehot 23
#43 Yep! There already was a first pregnant man.
gladstone123 5
If he were to be pregnant, he'd need an egg in him, not more sperm.
ComMed1 0
the worlds first pregnant man use to be a woman so he isn't the first pregnant man. it is physically impossible for a man to bear children.
nerdsgetmehot 23
#55 Close enough. It's the closest thing the world will ever have to a pregnant man. All of the papers said "the world's first pregnant man" or some variation thereof, so I'm just quoting...I am well aware that he wasn't a man to begin with and was in the process of transitioning from woman to man. I'm also well aware that it's physically impossible for a man to bear children. :P
Thawn 0
just sue him for malpractice lol
dudeitsdanny 10
If men could get pregnant, some women would be very much screwed, and not in the good way anymore. On the brightside, we'd be able to laugh at the people saying gays cannot adopt. It would definitely be life-changing. But, alas, OP is just a retard who believes everything his doctor says. Good thing he's not pregnant: I'd hate to think of the IQ of his children.
fairydust404 3
unfortunately, 64, he can still find ways of reproducing. so we still may need to worry about the IQ of his children. lol
dudeitsdanny 10
I dunno.. If he's married, and I was his wife, I'd invest on the pill to avoid having his kids. But OP probably thinks that swallowing can get you pregnant, so who knows what lies his future or current spouse can come up with.
rallets 23
#64 im pretty sure that wouldnt stop men from trying to have sex with women
Iskaria 0
The pill isn't 100% effective :P
posteriffic 0
It's definitely possible. I saw it in a documentary called 'Junior'
Elizabeth123654 0
you wouldn't be the first man. there have been, I dunno, 15 other guys who got pregnant? In the entire history of the world
tpreston 0
no none has ever gotten pregnant other than Tucker who had junior
lilpup45 6
Yea except he was a she in the first place
benr_fml 0
that's just funny
katgurl 13
lol yeah, but op should've pretended that he had a heart attack :D
rottentomatoes 7
that is hilarious to be honest :'D
1personinthiswor 0
I'm laughing so hard right now. By the way - I like your hair, katgurl :)
1personinthiswor 0
And rottentomatoes', but I didn't wanna sound creepy. lol
Lifeisntfair13 0
this is funny but the doctor was stupid!
citrus915 0
LMBOOOOOO OH GOSHNESS
hedgerow 0
retard?
Cam636 0
really?
unomo 0
wow she says 1 odd thing and ppl just start bagging on her....... lay off
metal8214 0
not bagging, sacking ;)
crashsapphire93 4
no it’s ragging.
dextini 10
laugh my bass off
goldenone 2
hah! are you really that dumb? do you have sex with men? do you have an egg? if so.. have fun fitting the head through your tip
AlexisSilver 10
haha I never thought about that. owch.
TiffanyBlews27 0
they're calling the OP stupid for believing that he was pregnant. Because he clearly CANT be since he's missing eggs, ovaries, fallopian tubes, a uterus, a ******, & a cervix (if he's straight, he hasn't had sex with other men). They aren't saying he's stupid for not having sex with men.
farhil 14
I thought everybody had uteruses >.
juandani 0
Ahhh damn imagen the pain wait just don't really just don't
Molkerei 0
Brings a whole new meaning to the words kidney stones.
yake12 0
well if your gonna get pregnant like a woman you should also make me a sammich
Lolitia 4
It's happened 'man who gave birth to his brother' for example where one twin 'absorbs' the others. And sympathy pregnancy, women sometimes lactate for infants they adopt. Men get 'pregnant' it's unusual but it happens.
catatonicsleep 17
men can get sympathetic pregnancy when their wives/ girlfriends are pregnant... i wonder if OP's partner is pregnant
lekiat 0
what? men cant get pregnant!
ImaginaryFoe 1
It doesn't happen. Sympathy pregnancy is not pregnancy. A undeveloped conjoined twin is not pregnancy.
avengedjerrrufol 0
men do not get pregnant.. its a physical impossibility. we have no uterus no eggs our hips are too narrow to hold one or any of the esential organs to do so. and that "man" that did have a child was born a woman so it doesnt count.
chikachikawahwah 0
you're right, but a lot of me do get sympathy cravings, aches, weight gain, and other symptoms. it's not actual pregnancy, just symptoms. look it up.
anonymous496 0
your ****** hot
Euphy 6
Well, if you're gay... I could understand your first panic moments. Then, you should have realized --'
Jimboom 12
Hand in your testicles at the door please sir. You are way to dumb and gullible to be a man.
doggone456 0
so are you saying females are dumb sir??? I know alot of females who are hella smarter than males :p
bradleybaldwin 9
Why would a doctor joke about that? I think it's somewhat understandable to believe him, at least for a little while. He is a doctor after all
7722 2
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? You DUMB SEXIST CHAUVINISTIC ******* piece of SHIT! What, as if only WOMEN can be dumb and gullible?! Not possible for men, EH? YEAH, if your DUMB and GULLIBLE, you couldnt POSSIBLY be a MAN! YOU dumb piece of shit, I hope you are murdered