Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML
Today, I flirted with the cashier at the local bagel joint. I complimented her unique blue hair and got her number. Later on that evening, she served my girlfriend and me our food at a different restaurant. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
Arcterion 0
Dump her ass. Clearly she does not care about you.
UpYourself 0
Can anybody say......threesome
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Comments (206)
fxdxhk90 0
How much do you have to tip after a threesome?
Person1233 13
Good for you! Even though you weren't first, you didn't edit your comment, and you showed you aren't afraid to admit you were wrong :D Next time buddeh =D EDIT: This was supposed to be a reply to #2. This is the 3rd time this week, **** the FML commenting system -.-
playfuldesk 0
28th.......
Person1233 13
29th actually. I don't know why no one raves over the 69th comment anymore D:
Person1233 13
Be a man and join in on the action.
pyroanarchist23 0
beat her ass the waitress not your girlfriend XD
sheheartsthings 0
Uhhhm why? The waitress didn't know she was in a relationship.
bean_dawg 0
maybe your girlfriend is thinking threesome
phonyreal98 0
That's not an FML. That's a threesome, dude! *fist bump*
willneversignin 0
you are a complete tool. do everyone around you a favor and do the following: unpop your collar, take your damn backwards hat and shove it up your ass, and for god's sake stop making douchey remarks like that. maybe then people will stop questioning how much you're overcompensating for your oh so obvious homosexuality (it's ok. there's really nothing wrong with being gay) and you might ACTUALLY make some real friends. this may be the internet, where you can say or do whatever you want and no one will know who you are, but this is no place to waste people's time with your inane and asinine comments. to the guy who wrote this: it sounds a little fake. if it is, kudos for convincing people that its not. if this really happened, don't worry too much about it.
fmlxxxx 0
what the **** is "fist bump"
JohnnyTheFox 0
#43 You take fmylife WAY WAY WAY too seriously.
I_am_stupid_also 6
"what the **** is "fist bump"" ? I dunno. A combination of fisting and bumping i guess.
babygraprefruit 0
It's the hand gesture people use that's similar to a "high five", you literally bump fists.
schwhat 0
43 Win
kaelendra 0
whether you're exclusive or not getting someone elses info on a date with someone is wrong. if you're exclusive and she's not dropping you she's not just bi... she's also polygamous.
marid_fml 2
...Polyamorous, or disrespectful, but she wouldn't be polygamous unless she was trying to get married to both of them. Just sayin'.
hanfan79 0
No, polyamory is being in love with more than 1 person at a time. It doesn't necessarily involve marriage. That would be polygamy. =)
lahp 0
erm.. you seriously dont see the potential here ? question? are you gay or slow?
po_ta_to 0
Honestly, everyone talks about 'threesomes! yay!' but I seriously doubt anyone who freaks out about it has ever actually had one.
Adamt 0
#38 learn how to spell before you say shot like that... people like you are complete douchebags