Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML
Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I was doing laundry and realized that my father had left dirty underwear soaking in a bucket outside for the last two weeks. I informed him that they needed to be thrown out, and they smelled like sewage. It's been over 95 degrees outside lately here. He then yelled and sweared at me. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
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Top comments
Zero22120 12
Who needs to call pest control when you've got dad?
Blueglasscup 18
Cool dad bro. Also at least he was wearing undies? :)
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Comments (269)
MegatronMyAss 0
Want to trade dads? Mines slightly less embarrassing, but yours is just bad ass!
ebonelli 0
My husband walks around in his underwear all the time. The female neighbors dont mind lol
ColorguardChik 1
This is in my favorites lol
Kuramasan_fml 12
I do the exact same thing. heh
katt_is_here 24
Want to trade dads? Mine is an abusive alcoholic with boundary issues. Your dad seems like a funny guy!
Magnimus 4
Oh, look, you have to talk to someone about that. Look up alcateen, and talk to a counselor at your school. I don't care if he is your dad. That does not entitle him to "boundary issues." Sticks and stones can break your bones (and that carries consequences), and words will never hurt you; but when he crosses the boundary, that is a decision that he made, and he should face the consequences. It's not your fault, it's his. Please do not keep silent. They say that when good men do nothing, evil triumphs. My personal corollary is that good men do not stand for that; but when the victims don't speak up, how can we possibly do anything? We're not frigging mentalists. Tell someone. Please tell someone. You could probably get emancipated if you do not want to go to a foster home.
katt_is_here 24
I am touched by your concern. Truly! Worry not, I am an adult now and I don't have to deal with his antics anymore.
hallegrl 0
Love this. I would do the same thing haha...
dlocruz 0
I love it
scotter35 0
Well a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do.
jehc922 3
What the--
Magnimus 4
bitchass ants gonna get nuked. ******* N00bs.