Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML
I'm awake
Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML
You hypocrite
Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML
Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML
Stealth
Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML
Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML
Top comments
garebear13 4
They're outta this world! Okay...I'm done...
Aug1508 9
I guess your room mate was trying to get sugar high. I don't think they understand that concept lol.
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Comments (161)
BluFlames 8
HAH! I've seen worse, try someone snorting skittles and crushed up smarties.
MrSassypants 34
What do you mean "try someone"? Do you mean try smoking them? Well if you can smoke a mars bar you can smoke a person... right?
kayla_ann0o 9
No, they're saying they saw someone snorting skittles and crushed smarties.
MrSassypants 34
I like my idea better.
boofgall 16
28- Well good, someone needs to.
odexy 12
I saw two guys snorting salt and pepper in the cafeteria once back in highschool. Just... So dumb.
skoob1 12
Snorting pixie sticks xD. My friends did that at lunch, apparently the searing pain in their nose got them high...
XtraEzeee 8
I used to see people doing lines of Kool Aid on the bus. What is this world coming to.
SystemofaBlink41 27
I remember when my friends offered me to sniff powdered hawaiian punch I have weird friends...
CVTrojans21 1
Some kid at my school took a bet to snort hot fries. That was, to say the least, interesting.
cash_monkey72 9
It works a lot better with snickers
Il_Maestro 6
I prefer Twix. While my coworkers are on their smoke break, I chew mine over with Twix.
SixtyNyan 0
Everyone knows, Snickers satisfies.
outstandtacular 11
How does one do that?
EpicSquishii 21
you suck at photoshop bitch
Roflsauruz 12
Thumbs up, 39. :x
Akumie 6
Step one: get a mars bar Step two: get a lighter Step three: light it like a normal cigaret Step fore: enjoy~
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Step 5 stfu
mvems 13
Um hey 39? You suck at being a nice, secure person. Dont bully people randomly. But bravo on getting attention hot stuff;). To bad it's because your lame.
instnt1nfction 17
Wow, easy with the words there.
EpicSquishii 21
LMAO 109 so the one who horribly photoshops their eyes to look really bright blue for their profile picture is secure and the one who laughs at them is insecure? I don't think I understand your good-girl logic, so I'll just nod and send you on your merry way. Begone.
mvems 13
No silly little girl. It's clearly evident the photoshop job isn't up to par, but I wouldn't say it calls for your opinion. Also what does her self esteem have to do with this conversation? You're saying she obviously has a low self esteem, why would you bother to write a rude, petty comment then? That's pretty mean. But okay, if we are going to critique at random, I'd say the most noteworthy and unfortunate thing about your picture is your obviously necessary unbuttoned shirt and offensively (generous here) overdone makeup. Im just sure this is news to you that your boobs are out. How endearing. No no you are secure you're right. Poof! imgone
EpicSquishii 21
#129 So you're upset that I gave my opinion on something that you wouldn't give your opinion on? Hmmm... Sounds a little weird, but I'll go with it. You said that I am not secure, I didn't say that she was insecure. I was asking where you got your evidence of my self-confidence or lack thereof. And yes of course for a lingerie flip-book photoshoot eyeliner and lipstick are horrendously overdone :P We're at stage five of my flipbook right in this profile picture, but I'm glad you noticed my ****, it makes me oh-so-thrilled to know that someone is offended by my endearing boobs :) That's what the photoshoot was for, you see ;)
outstandtacular 11
I wasn't really offended by her comment about me sucking at photoshop so it's all good??? Lol. Everyone can chill :)
mvems 13
Darling I never called your boobs endearing, or even offensive for that matter. I called your makeup offensively overdone, however dont worry I'm not offended. Had I known you'd latch onto the silliest parts of what I'd said I' have used less distracting words for you. Anyways the point i was making is clearly lost, and now I'm wasting time I could be laughing at FMLs, laughing at you. What I'm finding "endearing" is how clever you are ;) you're right of course, after all, your photo shoot was to show off your epicsquisshiiiiis woo! You go girl. Nice chat.
badbadkitty 5
Mmmm, melty chocolette.....
boofgall 16
Chocolate*?
badbadkitty 5
Chocolate + cigarette = chocolette.....
boofgall 16
Cigarette are nasty. What a quick way to ruin chocolate.
Mama_Umbridge 8
What a waste of chocolate
ICastillo 25
Well you have to give him an a for creativity or....... Stupidity
Harpy20 24
Sounds like he was already high, but regardless just put a nanny cam in his room and hope you catch something good.
corleon198425 22
What a Carmel sucker
NoReservations 9
Where do they hide those? I don't believe I've ever seen one..
earljonez 22
the kids in my town smoke kit kats & all the adults thought we were stupid at that age lol
MrFuzzles 5
What town do you live in? Please tell me so I can make sure I never go there.
hecallsmedarlin 7
Sounds like all the adults in your town thought right...