Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML
Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
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Top comments
sodawater19 0
how do you not see the window is down? thats more of an FHL for having to wear an eye patch
xkaokaox 0
She should poke you in both eyes just for being stupid :[.
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Comments (115)
Serafie 0
If you're banging on the window, why would your thumb go first...? Wouldn't the bottom of your fist logically hit first?
mylifeisFML56 0
# 2 already said it best...
Ohnoitslindsay 0
#43 Naturally you would turn and look when something unexpected pops out. Of course she faced that way.
998thehat432 0
She deserves it for bein a lesbo with that chick or bisexua, or wahtever. *****. You teach the bicth a lesson, mega man!
Frlf 0
SHE R BE PIRATE NOW.
caspian_fml 0
#47, i think by girlfriends he means friends. But great job hahahaha
that_guy01 0
Usually a little light bulb goes off and says hey, this window is extremely clear and dull, something's not normal.
geetface 0
If i was her i'd dump you for being dumb enough to think the window was up
BaldOuting 0
you are lucky she is still your gf
marz88 0
"Today, my bf tried to startle me by banging on the window of my car. He didn't realize the window was down, smacked me in the eye, and no I have to wear an eyepatch for 2 weeks, FML" Also on another note now it will be easier to give her the angry pirate hahahaha XP