Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML
Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
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Top comments
sodawater19 0
how do you not see the window is down? thats more of an FHL for having to wear an eye patch
xkaokaox 0
She should poke you in both eyes just for being stupid :[.
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Comments (115)
laxitup 1
wowwww number 80 are you really that stupid? that's only been referenced 34593743 times... if he had his hand open, palm facing the window, its extremely plausible that he could have hit her with his thumb and are you ******** me? do you know how hard car windows are, and how fragile the human eye is? that would have never in a million years broken the window.
martron3000 5
As an apology gift, buy her a pet parrot to sit on her shoulder. But before you give it to her, train it t say "Arrrr, shiver me timbers, Matey !"
MukyDaCookie 0
Avast! Ye girlfriend! Show me your booty!
hola1234 0
i got a question.... how do u bang on a window and get ur thumb in her eye??? like dont u knock like every normal person with a closed fist and the bottom of ur hand?
laxitup 1
oh my god why are people so dumb (to the comment above me) LOOK THREE POSTS ABOVE YOURS MORON
vix3 0
lol. karma got you before you got her.
Decoyx7 0
Lol, my gf hates it when i do stupid things like that, sept not that stupid, lol if i did that she'd probly try and beat my ass in
shiftybizniss 0
OK LISTEN UP PEOPLE.... This really happened. She was sitting in the driver's seat. I didn't try to "knock" on the window.. I tried to bang on it with my left hand, open-palmed... no window to stop my hand, thus the thumb in her eye.
laxitup 1
thanks for that OP maybe they'll listen to you because i said that like 3 times and no one listened.
missus_butter 0
Still, man, that's no way to let her know about your pirate fetish. You should have just asked.