Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML
Today, as I went to kiss my date goodbye and drive home, he mistakenly rammed his thumb across my eye hard enough to push my contact back into my eye socket. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
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Top comments
sodawater19 0
how do you not see the window is down? thats more of an FHL for having to wear an eye patch
xkaokaox 0
She should poke you in both eyes just for being stupid :[.
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Comments (115)
hatelife01 0
your so dumb it aint even funny, lmao.
jdb2009 0
You dumb ******* jackass. I hope that she's both: 1) hot as hell and 2) looking around for someone else to date. You deserved that one...what ever misfortune "that one" is.
cucuto89 0
why were you trying bang a window with your thumbs turned out?
AntiChrist7 0
hope she dumped your stupid ass
Indiana_fml 4
#26 Awesome idea! *rofl*
philopastry 0
awesome, your girlfriends a pirate (Y)
philopastry 0
no 26. you have made my day with that song...
hoobaga 0
OKAY, no one spotted this, but HOW DOES YOUR THUMB GO INTO HER EYE? I mean, if how do you do the banging action with your hands. Normally your thumb would be pointing towards you. And if you were banging hard enough that she had to wear an eye patch, that would have like, broke the window if it was up.
zandar 0
please try to pay more attention as you go about your business- for everyone else's sake. If you didn't see that, lord only knows what else you don't see, like when you're driving around other cars, or holding sharp instruments.
takran 0
I hope this is made up, but somehow I have a feeling it's not, and it makes me despair for humanity. However, wearing an eye patch is awesome if it makes you look like a pirate.