Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML
Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
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Top comments
rnarshmallow 21
At least your girlfriend knows you are willing to pee on her when she asks.
thecouchisalive 20
That's a very wet dream
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Comments (66)
doumtabarnack 12
Dude it could have been way worse. You could have actually peed on your girlfriend.
toasterspoon 17
What if she liked that stuff?
Lord_Rythin 0
I did that several years ago. That wasn't my dream, but you're not alone.
littleking94 14
lmao. dog be like, da **** is going on
CliffyB03 28
Well...not saying the dog enjoyed it, but at least it happened to the dog and not your girlfriend lol
rachelkoo 10
I think this is more like " F your dog's L"?
CaptainBlack 18
alpha as ****
xKRIEG_SCHWEINx 11
sounds like a kinky dream
NightKat 25
I woke up with a jar of peanut butter and a bag of tortilla chips next to my bed. My friend later told me that I had called him and told me about all the things that I had said. Apparently sheep were living in my closet telling lies, the doorknob was an asshole and called me a bitch, the ceiling fan wouldn't stop laughing, and the floor was crawling with used Band-Aids..
JCal585 8
**** your dogs life, man..
rainbotato 14
At least it was some bitch that got it and not your girlfriend