Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML
Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML
Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML
Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML
Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML
Today, I found out my grandmother has severe road rage after she complained about Pennsylvania drivers for over an hour, then decided to rear end one because he wouldn't get out of her way. FML
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
Today, I climbed into my junky old car and was pleasantly surprised that the AC came on. I patted the dash and said, "Thanks, buddy." Ten minutes later, as I was tearing down the highway, the engine threw a rod. FML
Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
That was no seat warmer - grandma had pooped herself.
iseyixes 18
You should definitely not be driving if you don't know how to keep control of the wheel just because the passenger shouted. I'm glad it was a pole and not a person.
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Comments (122)
hateevryone 15
you should've told her before you started driving.
MickGold 8
Yeah, she is one smoking' granny!
shrimpygymnast 9
ass on fire? and now its in pain too
Characterise 0
tell me how you got your license? you should've known to slow down and pull over then deal with the problem you could've killed your grandma or yourself :/ are you a foreigner? coz I know by experience THEY CAN'T DRIVE
kirastarr808 3
First time I sat on one of those I could have sworn I pissed myself
sparc_mac 4
If this comment gets 5 or more likes, first one to pm me after gets free elysian.
token_blackguy 18
Thank you for the story. Made my morning.
Octwo 16
And the road is safe from another bad driver for while.
marisadc79 0
I'm laughing so damn hard I'm not sure I can form a response. It blows your car got wrecked but that is funny as hell what she did. I agree though, FYL.
sinekt 9
It's obvious you're american. It doesn't matter what happens next to you, or in the car. You just drive. Is it that hard ? A wasp stung me once and I was driving at highway-speed. Assured nobody is around, signaled to the right, pulled over, got out of the car and got the wasp out.