Today, I took my grandmother for a spin in my new car. Apparently, she had no idea that seat-warmers exist and that hers was turned on, because fifteen minutes into the ride she started shouting, "My ass is on fire!" causing me to swerve into a pole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML
Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML
Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
Today, an old lady rear ended my car the light. Her explanation was, "It's a new car, and when I take my foot off the break, it just rolls forward all on its own! I don't know what's wrong with it!" FML
Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML
Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML
Today, I found out my grandmother has severe road rage after she complained about Pennsylvania drivers for over an hour, then decided to rear end one because he wouldn't get out of her way. FML
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
Today, I climbed into my junky old car and was pleasantly surprised that the AC came on. I patted the dash and said, "Thanks, buddy." Ten minutes later, as I was tearing down the highway, the engine threw a rod. FML
Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
That was no seat warmer - grandma had pooped herself.
iseyixes 18
You should definitely not be driving if you don't know how to keep control of the wheel just because the passenger shouted. I'm glad it was a pole and not a person.
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Comments (122)
bubo_fml 11
Sounds like Granny's gotta *removes sunglasses w/a saucy wink* HOT ASS!
sarah1741 3
id laugh if she did that on purpose but didnt think it through :P
Big_Chives 7
Last night I kept trying to make a website for woman drivers...but it kept crashing...
ravenxcorvinus 9
LOL good grief..
OHai15 12
seat warmers?? Bump that, Im chillin wit mah Snuggie..... :3
jdance447 0
Haha thats funny!
ruby_belle00 3
I laughed myself silly when I read this! I really thought you were going to say that she peed herself though. Having her yelling so unexpectedly would have scared me pretty good too, especially if it was quiet to begin with. Hope no one was hurt.
EdmundTonne 3
You're an idiot. What kind of moron drives into a pole when grammas ass is on fire. Were you drunk? Is she ok?
xxCandyKissxx 1
Omfg! That's really scary..ye funny! I hope everyone's ok :D
crazyblackchick 0
"My ass is on fire" is a direct quote from the cartoon playing in Final Destination 4 after the rasict dies. This means death is after you. RUN, GODDAMMIT.