Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML
Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me to her apartment for "Taco Tuesday date night", saying that she had "homemade tacos." She actually made homemade tacos for us to eat for dinner. Oh, and she was on her period. Fantasy ruined. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
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Top comments
EternalRest 5
At least you know she was looking forward to having sex with you?
metallica_wins 20
Well, hormones are a bitch.
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Comments (176)
beaverteaser 16
that's horrible! no birthday sex
JustSarah 13
Well, not FYL but hers actually... Just comfort her and in some days the problem will be solved.
Dave_Davington 35
Amazing how many people in the comments think the FML-worthy part of this isn't the lack of birthday sex, but rather the girlfriend making a scene in a crowded restaurant.
Rainhawk94 27
You must be missing something here
Blueglasscup 18
Yeah I get where your girlfriend's coming from. Periods suck, ESPECIALLY when it's your birthday.
Tobamf 18
As a guy, I'd be sobbing too.
tishtashbat 16
A lot of people seem to be overlooking the fact that she was loudly crying/announcing in public she couldn't have sex - a) very embarrassing, b) probably ruined the evening, before they even got home and couldn't have sex. Which, although everyone is saying you can do it, let's face it isn't the same - and some girls just don't like doing it, and I'd guess OPs gf is one of them.
gracehi 33
Seriously, what is she? An alley cat? Is one birthday without sex really that horrible?
SunTzu2 9
No bloody sex? It's true I'd be turned of by the scene... In front of all those other restaurant guests
foxy_grampa 19
You should have started crying with her. That's your loss too
Dave_Davington 35
Apparently, blood is less disgusting than shit. I never really understood why so many people find anal sex appealing.
jefrey 9
there is somany other options, hanjob, *******, footjob, anal, and so on, good luck
toelie 26
It's HER birthday, not his.