Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML
Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML
Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me to her apartment for "Taco Tuesday date night", saying that she had "homemade tacos." She actually made homemade tacos for us to eat for dinner. Oh, and she was on her period. Fantasy ruined. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
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Top comments
EternalRest 5
At least you know she was looking forward to having sex with you?
metallica_wins 20
Well, hormones are a bitch.
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Comments (176)
metallica_wins 20
Well, hormones are a bitch.
whos_ur_daddy1 19
She wants the D
JocelynKaulitz 28
And a cockblock too.
Ambient25 25
A period ain't never stopped nothing but a sentence.
buttcramp 21
#38, that's a good one!
Sports_guy3 28
Best. FML. Ever. (in a 'FYL' kinda way)
Cadillac4427 8
lmao...#38 I love your comment
712sash 26
Does matter, didn't have birthday sex.
caohm 18
if she's that sad over not getting birthday sex you must be doing something right.
kjack49044 18
Yes, she's got her priorities straight.
Meaniebobeanie 26
A period never stopped anything but a sentence.
Jabberwockyy 13
#109 that was already said just a couple of comments ago, try to be more original.
twelve_oh_seven 11
haha Ikr
swaggalikethat 22
If I were Op, I'd be the one crying
Cadillac4427 8
#109 you are several comments too late dear.....
mangoboy1 19
Or just use the back door if they're into that...
umchayul 4
You can still have sex. I'm sure she'll give the best devil's wings
zandalee 20
Be happy OP! Your girlfriend genuinely loves sex!! :-)
Fuaaad1994 31
#42 people who don't like having sex, obviously.
hansam 12
When the river runs red, take the dirt road
little_one1 14
Oh HELL no, 54! I'mjustkiddingmyboyfriendandiareexperienceddirtroadtravelers.
Rainhawk94 27
#61 i should punch you after reading your comment
TheLittleBear 19
#61, your comment made my head hurt.
vipirius 18
Damn it, now I really wanna know what 61 said.
TheLittleBear 19
Don't worry #121, you're better off not knowing.
worse__days 7
What did #61 say
SThompson90 7
#150, the same thing the fox said
manga_fml 15
devil's wings?
EternalRest 5
At least you know she was looking forward to having sex with you?
StzaCrack666 18
imo its kinda cute
boating_guy 33
if they really want it, just ride the crimson ride. alternatively, if the river runs red, take the dirt road home.
arandomusernameaa 20
If you don't wanna become a mum take it up the bum?
jgw_it2 12
#136 ew.
loganHchrist 9
Doesn't matter will get laid
loganHchrist 9
** eventually
davidislost 11
That would have been more humorous if you used a pop cultural reference like 'doesn't matter, had sex'
Apeirophobe 13
In my opinion such clichés don't add to the comic value.
Rxted 8
Nothing's wrong with birthday ********.
fk18 27
Why would she give him a bj for HER birthday?
iAlissa 34
"Happy birthday babe! It's okay, you can still give me a *******!" Whoopdeedoo.
ElricMustang 23
I mean, some girls enjoy it, too, so it really isn't something selfish for OP if she wants to do it.
happyfingers 15
By the sounds of it, she probably doesnt.
SweetasCandy0609 28
#26 considering it's her birthday not OP'S yes it is not to mention since she just started her period her emotions are probably a bit high right now so if he brought it up to her it would make her even more upset.
JanisEvans 10
No.
anabanana6994 4
Some people enjoy giving head
LadyDelphinea 4
Dude that sucks...
deepvira 16
Tell her that you are gonna get sex,just not from her! It's your birthday after all!
abhi95 31
Are you like dumb or something? Read the FML!
iAlissa 34
12, either you're a high-strung jerk, or you're illiterate. Can't decide.
lb0812 18
Why not both?? :D
fullalove 23
1.it clearly says he takes his girlfriend out for HER birthday. 2. even if it was his birthday, what the hell kind of advice is it to tell him to cheat?
emirie 21
12, your comment was so bad i tried to thumb you down more than once. All girls should avoid you.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Not even just all girls. All people should avoid you. Grow up.
worse__days 7
It was HER birthday
Cadillac4427 8
He is BOTH #36
thelittleghost 3
At least she enjoys sex with you and just wait you can have belated birthday sex ;3
BFons 19
So why can't you have sex? Might be a little messy, but hell do it in the shower.
happle 21
I don't know about other girls, but paired with bloating and cramps, I don't want a penis anywhere near me when I'm on my period.
kaytasha 18
Yep that definitely works, especially when feeling are involved, it is a deep intimate moment though not for persons with a blood phobia
Korra_fml 23
actually, sex can help to alleviate cramping.
Squeaky_Tomato 14
I actually get more horny on my period. I vote for the shower or put a towel you don't care about between her and the bed :)
LowExpectations 30
My girlfriend's period goes much better if we have sex during that time. OP, do what needs to be done and end her birthday on a high note.
TheNewGuy03 29
116 -- Whenever I've had sex with a girl on her period, I've always laid out a convenient red towel. Banging while on her period isn't preferable to me, but I'd rather please her. Not really too worried about myself, as long as she's satisfied.
ImYourPapi 6
Yup