Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML
Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML
Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce, and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting another taxi from his place. FML
Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML
Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML
Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML
Today, I took a taxi ride with my friends. As we were getting out, I paid the taxi driver. With a grin, he drove away fast. It turns out my friend had already paid. FML
Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML
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Top comments
misspulkadot24 17
I think it would be cool to taxi around people from all over and hear their stories.
Prolux_fml 23
Well, how'd it go?
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Comments (104)
captainburke 5
My neighbor does the same thing, I can't stand that bitch
reject214 10
Don't you like listening to people's stories? Don't you know that is part of job? Would you have preferred to be robbed by him instead? Stop your complaining!
alissa222 15
At least you got paid at the end of it.
DylansMomma 9
Your comment : Bet that was a shitty conversation.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
NO.
nastyboyangelo 0
It's cause you're a woman.
Kingbreezy04 10
What did you think, that it would be like that show taxi cab confessions? People talking about sex, bitches in the back seat kissing?
chtyree7 1
It couldn't have been that bad. Maybe they had no one else to talk to it about. Maybe they went thru it alone and needed to confide in you. Yeah, it's a little gross. But it's a tough thing to go thru. Especially alone.
hateevryone 15
You are going to have people like that.
KiddNYC1O 22
No wonder you guys drive crazy...
KiddNYC1O 22
My fellow New Yorkers would appreciate.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I guess no one got the colonoscopy joke.