Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML
Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML
Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce, and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting another taxi from his place. FML
Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML
Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML
Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML
Today, I took a taxi ride with my friends. As we were getting out, I paid the taxi driver. With a grin, he drove away fast. It turns out my friend had already paid. FML
Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML
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Top comments
misspulkadot24 17
I think it would be cool to taxi around people from all over and hear their stories.
Prolux_fml 23
Well, how'd it go?
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Comments (104)
Prolux_fml 23
Well, how'd it go?
skoob1 12
As if op is going to log on and tell you how it went...
Bpwoods 6
I have a feeling that if she did, the comment might be a bit obscene and may get moderated...
Savner 16
At least your job will be interesting...
slurshies 11
With that job, you'll never lose your fascination with the antics of the human race
IAmJad 18
30- Who are you talking to? OP or 1?
raraisbang 12
24, when my FML was posted, I logged on and replied to questions/comments. It does happen.
Ray_of_midnight 23
The doctor said things were looking up.
misspulkadot24 17
I think it would be cool to taxi around people from all over and hear their stories.
Aug1508 9
Yea, if not you can always just block the person out, nod your head, and say oh a huh, interesting.
GracesDelirium 9
My uncle was a cab driver in New York. When he comes to visit, he always tells us insane stories about his passengers. XD
ChefPhilly 13
You spelt Polkadot wrong. :)
raraisbang 12
54, perhaps it was intentional misspelling?
blcksocks 19
True. As long as the stories are interesting.. Like office affairs and orgies and stuff... NO colonoscopy, diarrhea shit..
Psych101 9
It would be cool. The best part would be to turn the tables on the customers if they get annoying. Start telling them disgusting or boring stories.
misspulkadot24 17
It was an intentional misspelling. We called my crush in the 8th grade "polka dot" and while making a bracelet I ran out of "O's" and had to use a "U". Its been my username for all things ever since. Sorry if no one cared :P haha
cherry72 13
Thank you Captain Obvious. Lol
saintsrocksocks 10
Good idea b30, I mean who would do such a thing, heh heh
misspulkadot24 17
I don't have a credit card or anything, I'm 17! :) thanks for your concern, but if a tech savvy person wants to take the time to hack my various accounts for gaming sites and social media, I will be flattered, but I can tell you, I'm quite boring and not worth the time :)
CcShh 4
So what?
ILoveFluttershy 3
This is only the beginning.
reallytho3 11
Hope he doesn't get kidney stones...
LMFAOwned 9
If this continues, OP'll have an FML to post everyday.
boschwachter 7
Well at least your first fare will be memorable
NanillaVipples 2
I think OP should still be proud because he helped out a person in need. Who wants to walk after a colonoscopy?
NanillaVipples 2
*she
Tiny_Alyc 13
Could've been worse.. Like showing you the results
nubnibbler 4
How far did you have to drive with this man? Sounds like you could tolerate it depending on what your fare is.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
You could have acted like it was arousing you. I bet that'd get him to stop talking real fast.
CaptNomNom 17
Sad fer you :( I mean, I would be grossed out too....
Lennes 12
Oh come on! You spelt "for" incorrect on purpose! "E" is no where near "O" on the keyboard!
DomDomxoxo 16
Maybe in Singapore it's not the same keyboard. (:
hyrulequeen2010 0
Ew I'm so sorry you had to go through that
Paco_el_Taco 17
Are you talking to me?!?!? Better then listening to what a .44 magnum does to a women's ******. Must see taxi driver to appreciate this horrible joke.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What?
cr3ativity 15
Taxi driver: Something of a cult classic. Basic premise is that a veteran with PTSD or some form of dementia is a taxi driver after war. Hilarity ensues: if you're into film noir and whatnot .
Ray_of_midnight 23
Are you talkin' to me?