Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML
Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML
Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce, and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting another taxi from his place. FML
Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML
Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML
Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML
Today, I took a taxi ride with my friends. As we were getting out, I paid the taxi driver. With a grin, he drove away fast. It turns out my friend had already paid. FML
Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML
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Top comments
misspulkadot24 17
I think it would be cool to taxi around people from all over and hear their stories.
Prolux_fml 23
Well, how'd it go?
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Comments (104)
j_cat187 20
Just wait until the night shift. You get to meet all sorts of ****** up... I mean interesting people.
bossroyd 4
Like a hooker...I mean a talented woman in the service industry. Or a drug dealer...I mean medicine supplier. Sorry OP, you'll prolly meet worse people than the guy who enjoys talking about his recent colonoscopies. But at the same time, you'll still meet some nice people who are pretty normal and easy to talk to.
siberianhamster 17
The problem with public transport is the public that uses it.
Bigmoneyshotz 0
As long as he didn't smell like a colonoscopy you should be alright!
wowthatissad 9
Nothing like a detailed description of a man's asshole to brighten your day..
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I'm hoping he didn't show you any pictures.
slimshadey 5
Were the flashbacks in black an white?
CessnaPilot 5
You should pretend that you don't understand English.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Que? No habla ingles.
Grimmerie 31
*hablo
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm female. Habla is feminine. Hablo is masculine. Grammar Nazi fail.
Shrike 24
Hablo means "I speak". "Habla" means "he", "she" or "it speaks". You just said something like "he doesn't speak English" or "he isn't speaking English".
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Great. Thanks to my Spanish teacher, we have at least 100 kids that think habla is the same as hablo. I should have transferred when I had the chance.
chtyree7 1
Shrike is right! It is hablo. I have taken 3 years of Spanish and I am majoring in it in college. You may not have paid attention to the conjugations. Most people don't.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
But I do D:
miyaviichan 27
I love being a native speaker. I'm a grammar nerd so I can be stuck up about this, but you admitted your mistake with no arrogance so I love you :D
kimg0885 23
Taxi Can Confessions! I love that show.... time to get a dashboard cam op!
Calyx_fml 22
Ever watch taxicab confessions?
starwind3438 9
95% of the time the passengers sounded like trailer trash.
elephantom12 9
It's like trying to get the last pickle out of the jar.