Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML
Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML
Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce, and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting another taxi from his place. FML
Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML
Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML
Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML
Today, I took a taxi ride with my friends. As we were getting out, I paid the taxi driver. With a grin, he drove away fast. It turns out my friend had already paid. FML
Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
misspulkadot24 17
I think it would be cool to taxi around people from all over and hear their stories.
Prolux_fml 23
Well, how'd it go?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (104)
RedPillSucks 33
By the way, your next fare is 9&1/2 months pregnant. I hope you have warm water, sterile gloves and ear plugs, and your seats are water proof.
soad2014 7
May I also suggest a strong stomach? I've never given birth, but I bet crowning is the worst part. :S
FuzzyJack 15
At least you have an interesting job. It's a good thing that he didn't give you a picture of the colonoscopy as a nice memory of him as your taxi passenger.
krewer21 1
Heh, well as we are in twilight sleep during the procedure, it must have been pure dream...
lexiieeex3 32
You win some you lose some.
xtalondriver 14
Excellent. I see a new thread: "Confessions of a taxi driver"
Daederoth 10
I just want to add a thank you for taking pride in your job. Don't let others take that away from you.
With_Love929 3
When you're moderating stories and they have mistakes do you press yes or no?
dsl1123 8
What were the result of the test ?
DocBastard 40
You should start a blog with the great stories you're sure to accumulate! I know someone who did that...
chtyree7 1
But don't use real names. That can be dangerous.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Was that called "Things I Learned From My E.R. Patients"?
coughyochick 7
From my uncle. "it gets way worse"