Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
perdix 31
The funny thing is that the OP's daughter is 28.
Wiag 8
some peoples children
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (65)
needsagf14 12
Some people...just suck
ViviMage 40
Lemurs are pre-primates and not true monkeys.
Since1998 20
looks like 10 changed his profile picture from what it was yesterday.
Blue_Bug 9
Wow!! :/
GetSomeM0 24
kids say the darndest things.
nvo 6
Say something back to her that rhymes - then anither rhyme - and another. It'll crack her up and soon she will have forgotten the phrase that started the game. Whatever you do, do NOT repeat "monkey *****" back to her (like "don't say ...") as it only teaches her the phrase even more.
BritSkits 22
You idiots don't know a thing about parenting. Take away her toys? No sweets for a month? Really? That's all fine and dandy unless she's under the age of six and doesn't understand the motive. it'll get you no where. If continues to say it, make it coear that tuere will be consequences. if she stioo says t, spank her. I'm not saying you have to beat the shiy out of her, but a quick swat on the butt won't hurt her, and It'll get your point across.