Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
The funny thing is that the OP's daughter is 28.
Wiag 8
some peoples children
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Comments (65)
lucianaamelia 21
Explain that to her teachers. They're going to think she has some parents into beastilia yaaaack!
Donnie_Murray 8
What immature parents of that kid. They could of told him to stop.
stallingsjason 6
So who is parenting who? Are you parenting the child or is she parenting you? If you are the parent then show it and be firm
fksfsdhfsdfh 26
In 10 years this will be funny to you.
bryan788 29
You should have punched him in the junk. Just think it is going to be funny when you get the call from her school about monkey *****!!! Awesome
musikchik 6
Then be a parent and discipline your child! My children know they can't say adult words, and they get in trouble if they do. Teach them right and wrong.
a_frogg 9
They're right. You should tell her & if she continues take away her toys or make her go to timeout.
wvcheesehead1 9
Look on the bright side, at least it was not a racial slur that could get you shot in the wrong place.
HeartOfLead 24
I can picture someone yelling that in a strip club and the announcer responding with "a special request has been made, let's clear the floor for-" well you know the rest.
HeartOfLead 24
Monkey see, monkey do?