Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML
Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML
Today, I took my nephew to the zoo and spent the day telling him fun animal facts. At the giraffe enclosure, I explained that giraffes can't make sounds. Right on cue, one let out the loudest snorting noise I've ever heard. My six year-old nephew looked at me and said, "Maybe Google isn't always right." FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
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Top comments
xsnapxitsxjustin 0
oooh .. aha u need to guide that kid . before she becomes a single mom on the future .. haha
jussjess 0
WOW! What has she been learning at preschool!?
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Comments (277)
xsnapxitsxjustin 0
oooh .. aha u need to guide that kid . before she becomes a single mom on the future .. haha
uhazsquiads 0
lol kids r awesome xD
theFMLwhore5 0
kids say the most amazing things..
michelleclarke 0
LOOOOL.
skid1996 0
in soviet Russia, lions **** you
420pium 0
lol
heynow00wellthen 0
Holy rabid waffle squirrel that child's parents must be the greatest.
StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0
smart kid. I've always thought it best to just tell kids the truth. like my little brother used to call his penis the most random things like 'feather' or he'd call it a 'tail'. my mom was content with this b/c she didn't want to have to address that with him. he's 8 and only recently started calling it his private. and in between calling it a 'tail' & 'private' he used to point & say 'umm... umm... this thing, I dunno' whenever he got soap in it & was burning but took extra time explaining where it burned b/c he couldn't identify his own body part... with that said, 'mating' is okay for a kid to know b/c it's just animals & it's nature. however, whoever taught her that it's called '*******' is not cool.
fakeaccountX 6
it's DARNDEST things.
Someone_somewere 7
nice name number 14 haha
MyNameIsInvictus 0
You would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those "*******" meddling kids!
StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0
oh, & before any smart ass says something about why my little bro talks about his dick so much is b/c he has a habit of punching his dick & smashing it into things (edges & corners) for 'fun' & then complaining about the pain later, like a dumbass.
Stupified 0
Op, if you're not lion, that just means the kid has some honest parents but it doesn't mane anything bad.
Mirelly13 6
omg that's exactly what I thought!
TheWhiteDemon 0
better to have her make babies early on before everyone has STDs
bigblue95 0
not seein the fml. ur not even her mom and ur life will not be affected by her language
RainbowBitch15 11
28: ftw. <3
arc794 0
Leapfrog? -__-
s3xw4x 0
haha thats freaking awesome! not really an fml tho. more like a parenting fail
doorfloor 0
they grow up so fast.
sexyscooter 0
Win. sounds like the kids parents failed tho.
92go0d 6
epic.
McCamryn123 0
welcome to oklahoma(:
MiiSSKARA 0
same here!
nishant5456 0
Lol your niece is awesome! Looks like daddy taught here something new.
matatmat 0
25- I thought the exact same thing xD
pooponyuou 0
lol f ur uncle and aunts life. she's their kid not urs
collegegirl87 0
y did so many people put YDI?? I don't see how this Is the OPs fault..however it's not really an FML.
Brittney_E 0
Animal Planet. FTW!!
Narwhaler 0
yeah it does!
Yourmamma1986 0
no it isn't young children r very smart and it may not even be the parents fault they may hav a much older sibling that has taught her these things I've seen it before so it's def not an fml chase she is the aunt
MykeLytorus 0
It's funny because it could have been worse and it's moist. Nobody is born gay--it's a choice just like what clothes you wear! FTW!! Dur dur dur I'm cool coz I come one here and comment on every single FML.
Ludii_fml 0
46 your puns WIN every time.
AngryNinja 1
I'm actually failing to see the fml here. I think it's more of an f her parents' lives. I personally would have almost pissed myself laughing. Talk about make my day. And WTF with leapfrog?
hotscar 3
and 14s hot too.
luigisf 0
I don't like the people saying the kid or the parents are awesome, so now 4 y old kids saying cuss words is awesome? wow isn't our world just awesome then?
JimmySullivan 0
Yeah, 14 is hot.
C6Racer 0
Now that's an epic fail.
LightningLadyy 0
That's just ******* awesome!
walc 2
#46, if you make any more puns I will attack you. This will not be tolerated.
2hoesNaBagel 0
lol that movie was ****** up 25 and ur really hott:)
rfngxhhshi 0
I am extremely unsure of 158's gender.. just ew. stop being ugly 158
jayde214 0
it does! haha. but the orphan was a 33 year old woman!
Infamous_Hawk 6
that was the best movie lol
iTzAeroz 0
lolwut?
Guuurlplease 0
so...?
cporter125 0
lol
CitizenSnipz 0
this reminds me of that part in Robot Chicken... a little girl and her granny are on a bench... Granny: "I worry about where today's culture is headi-" "SHUT IT YO BITCH!" lol.
beastmcbeastly 0
muhahahahahahahaHA
rudiznell 0
kids say the darndest things! Bill Cosby FTW
UberFail79 0
45: Thanks for sharing. I guess.
pwndhahafyl 0
haha pwnd
chanman1001 0
hmm is it just me or do all of the fmls about kids saying stuff have a 4 year old in them
gangstabarbie 0
haha I agree!
natthecatt 0
hey 14 you're gorgeous. how'd u take that picture?
wafflez333 0
this isnt funny at all. its awful that a 4 yr old would have even heard that word.
1221jamw 11
haha pun
myyprincessxo 4
25- I thought of that, too
biancster 0
ahaha
Agamemnon_fml 0
lol lion humor..classic
Agamemnon_fml 0
lol lion humor..classic
petey293 0
wow thanks. that's REAL nice, just assuming that every kid is retarded and messed up just because you saw a couple of kids like that.
Chipaway 0
@94 What the heck is your problem? 'messed up stupids' I'm a kid, at least I know proper English. Its unfortunate the kid knows that kind of language, but all in all, it's a pretty funny situation. You can't just lay blame on the parents straight away either, she could have picked it up anywhere. And... throw her into the lion habitat? Someone obviously wasn't hugged enough as a child :)
GlowingDino 0
gotta love kids of this generation ! LOL
yzmxrider 0
ur fault
tkosoccer 4
they most definitely do
blanchard0128 0
atleast shes educated! hahah
Ludii_fml 0
at least her parents aren't lion to her !
joanjett 0
kids say the darndest things...
Theblue_fml 0
lol that's hilarious
jussjess 0
WOW! What has she been learning at preschool!?
heyyitshannah 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dam look who's gonna be a *****...
twinny_sc 13
Aww who's a cute little *****?!
EmilyIsLHAO 0
no need for Sex Ed.
wwoww102 0
that's what she said
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Poor Ed. :[
Anaxes 5
It's ok, Ed has been cheating on you.
sonicgreg 12
????????
DisturbedCupcake 3
lesson here: don't lie to kids.
Stupified 0
How is that a lesson? if op had told a normal kid they were ******* the kid would have told the parents and op woulda got his ass kicked, so op was just telling the kids something easy to understand and much less innappropriate. But a smart kid can tell they're ******* right away, if it was leap frog one woulda made it over unless it's one fatass lion.
DisturbedCupcake 3
you don't have to say "oh they're *******". you could, in a very adult manner explain to the child that was they said was inappropriate. then you could explain that it is a natural process, but, for humans, one that is supposed to be private. obviously the concept has been explained to her already.
DisturbedCupcake 3
what not was. stupid iPod.
stacers 0
You do not have to differentiate between humans and animals. A simple "they're mating" "they're making babies" or even "they're having sex" would suffice. Just be honest with the kids. Honest knowledge is not going to make them more sexually active...in fact it's been proven to decrease early sexual activity.
redrovaa 0
Well, she's 4. I think she shouldn't know what sex IS until at least 8. Kids don't know most things, so she could say 'lets play family' or w.e. to one of her boy friends and try to do what lions did, and if she's in preschool, that's gonna raise a lot of questions. Leapfrog is fine, it's not like she's never going to get sexual education or gonna look back on this 10 years from now and say "DAMN MY AUNT! She totally ruined my view of sex."
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Honesty is the best policy... when it's your child. Things get tricky when you're babysitting or spending time with someone else's kids, though. In the OP's situation, I would probably just say "I don't know." Better the kids think you're dumb than the parents get upset.
groundzeromma 8
seems like alot of people dream of being a psychologist????
DisturbedCupcake 3
haha. yes actually.
allie198 0
true? lol
diet_otaku 0
110, you must be new here. if the kid hadn't made it clear that she already knew what sex is (although she shouldn't be swearing, that much is definitely parenting fail), then we'd be seeing an FML about how she started "playing leap-frog" with the kids at preschool or something. and you think a kid shouldn't know about sex until they're EIGHT? kids are hitting PUBERTY at 8 years old, they are more than prepared to know the basics of reproduction (man and woman have sex, baby is made) when they start school.
Jakofalltrades18 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
hmm I wonder how the kid knows.. got to be from experience of course
scarlettblondii 7
Pedobear
andycakes 0
hahhaha what shows is this kid watching?
heyyitshannah 0
8- way ta go she's 4 lol xD
remy3106 10
haha u deserve a ******** haha jkjk haha
remy3106 10
this wasn't supposed to be posted here... damn commenting bug
remy3106 10
this wasn't supposed to be posted here... damn commenting bug…
cassiebrooke 0
haha! fYl!