Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML
Today, an adorable deer got into the yard, so I went to pet it. It jumped on its back legs and started flailing its front legs around, kicking the crap out of me until I curled into a ball crying. I'm so bruised, I can barely sit down. FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo to take pictures. I look down to see a goat chewing the sleeve of my new sweater, so as I reached down to get it loose, it started eating my hair. People took pictures of me wrestling the goat before they helped me. FML
Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML
Today, I went with my family to visit my aunt, who lives on a farm. My brother told me that cows are ticklish and convinced me to go up and tickle one of the cows. The cow clearly wasn’t a fan, and I ended up being chased right into a lake. FML
Today, I was cleaning up rabbit pee from the floor when my rabbit hopped up to me. To prevent her from standing in it and spreading it throughout the room, I shooed her away. She got such a fright that she jumped in the pee and spattered it all over my clothes and face. FML
Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
It's like animal bukkake... but with other non-seminal bodily fluids.
shamandalie_fml 0
ewww
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Comments (50)
allmidnighteyes 11
It's like animal bukkake... but with other non-seminal bodily fluids.
xCrackerx 3
So then it's not bukkake.
suaveneanderthal 0
actually #8 bukkake has taken on many other forms then just semen particularly involving urine or woman ejaculate. google "lesbian bukkake" or "piss bukkake" and you'll see that bukkake is no longer reserved for 50 guys cuming on one japanese girl. The word bukkake is actually japanese for "to splash" not anything strictly semen related. But it did start out that way.
momoimmortal 0
uhm... I think this is a fake fml!!!
superman312 0
YDI
liindsey 25
embaressed*
tamoodielovesmar 1
thats what op put......
Xx_Slayer_xX 22
....you. You're funny.
shamandalie_fml 0
ewww
KWifey305 0
wow maybe you smell bad
Ninjaface 0
You should never go on safari.
allmidnighteyes 11
Yeah, Firefox FTW
bittercup 0
Domesticated deer? A miracle!
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Mmmm beer... Oh, oh deer? "Hello there! Time again for a small belt of culture." Russians have been domesticating moose for years. They are actually milking them at the moose farm. It just isn't very profitable and is mostly experimental. And 20 brownie points if you know where that quote is from!
StaticDown 0
The quote is Bullwinkle!!! From the Rocky and Bullwinkle show!!! I loved watching that as a kid!
956TXking 0
grab it by the tail and swing it around a couple of times.
JaneDoe_71 0
Swinging fetish much?
amatayo 0
See little is known that Bambies mom pulled this crap on a hunter when he was small. And we all saw what happened. (Wink wink)
flipstar530 0
Bastard
xxchilloutxx 0
See ydi a bit, when a llama's going to spit, it puts it's ears back and looks really mean beforehand, it didn't like what you were doing, you should have read the signs and stopped...
popatia 0
Monkeys throw poop!