Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML
Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML
Today, I took my nephew to the zoo and spent the day telling him fun animal facts. At the giraffe enclosure, I explained that giraffes can't make sounds. Right on cue, one let out the loudest snorting noise I've ever heard. My six year-old nephew looked at me and said, "Maybe Google isn't always right." FML
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spat directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated, then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML
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Top comments
xsnapxitsxjustin 0
oooh .. aha u need to guide that kid . before she becomes a single mom on the future .. haha
jussjess 0
WOW! What has she been learning at preschool!?
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Comments (277)
123e3 0
just be glad she's your niece and not your daughter. it's her parents problem not yours
squirrels_FTW 3
it's all ur fault! :D
Mirelly13 6
idk...that kinda reminds me of the movie orphan...maybe it's just me...lol
Petey_devil 0
I call fake, there's too many jokes like this. funny though.
Eriatarka423 0
Wow #45 I'm not wondering why your little brother talks about his dick so much, but why YOU talk about his dick so much...it's just a little weird to write such a long ass comment about it when nobody really cares.
rockhound 0
I second that
Freeze_fml 17
Don't be such a dick.
geturselfalife 0
yea it sounds like ur obsessed wit it
yossi21 0
and how is this an fml?
Lils123 0
LOL
kaileigh10 2
This is going straight to my favorites, Facebook AND I'm emailing it!!!
Quest_ 13
I'm pretty sure your friends hate you.
ndizzle 0
142 - best comment ever. I burst out laughing after reading it. Solid!
MissCheeks8 0
ahaha, same here :P
glitchedgamer 0
Win.
stevenmx86 8
omg ylif? seriously this is more of an mlia