Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML
Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML
Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML
Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Today, I told my mom I was thinking of having a baby. She told me it was a huge mistake because children cost a fortune, make you miserable, and if she'd had her chance again she would have gotten her tubes tied when she was 18 and saved herself the grief. Gee, thanks mom. FML
Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML
Today, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year-old guy. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
draegbomb 5
In other words you were a load your mother should've swallowed.
Linkerdoodles 15
Well, your mom is kind of a bitch. Sorry OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (108)
draegbomb 5
In other words you were a load your mother should've swallowed.
Zoranius 6
Moms, they never think those answers are weird..
juicystar777 4
it's five o'clock in the morning. conversation got boing. you said you're going to bed soon. so i snuck up to your bedrooom.
Teyros 24
Hahaha nice.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
#41 - That song isn't relevant to the FML. Just stop commenting so stupidly.
AmongstTheFaces 5
My dad told me he wished I was a ******** sometimes
TourettesGuyFTW 26
OP, you should use 1's comment as a comeback to your mum!!
BostonBruinsFan 8
#68-OPs rarely care 2 remember any of their fake FMLs & don't care to look for them, and usually, they don't remember exactly wat they wrote
bearnblue 0
She seems like the spitting kind of girl
skullcandifiedDJ 5
You should've said to her that you regret ever leaving your fathers penis alive...
dabomb1463 0
Win :)
Caliborn_06 11
That's pretty f'd up but still f***ing hilarious!!
pinkcrayola 0
Not really.
mikebarvitskie 3
Thts ur fault forentioning
Linkerdoodles 15
Well, your mom is kind of a bitch. Sorry OP.
a1f0sff 25
I still don't know how parents can say things like that to their children. I mean, come on, they never asked to be born!
faydanielle 2
At least she knows when you were conceived, right?
MrSassypants 34
Well... I am pretty sure no one wants to know when their parents ****** to have them.
Climaxx 11
Excatly! Gotta' stay positive.
faydanielle 2
Realistically, it's not that hard to work out rough dates, or at least a timescale anyway.
MrSassypants 34
A timescale of when people had sex to conceive their child?
ghostlilac 25
*9 months ?
addiizcherry 0
For me it was 8 months
faydanielle 2
Yes. Going by the actual due date is the best way to accurately work it out, due to different circumstances.
draegbomb 5
I'd like to make some mistakes with #4 right around 2 or 3 am;)
antwon86 4
#92…You sir, are my hero
Justine94_x 31
I don't understand why people vote ydi on things like this.. Your mum sounds like a bitch.
Unlucky_Gun 0
Me neither. Cause they're just stupid I guess
fadingfaith 4
Like the mother.
downtime 13
Because most of us realistically realise that plenty of pregnancies occur by accident, and whether they are actually happy about said accident it doesn't change the fact that it was not a decision made with forethought. If my mother told me this, I'd laugh. It's not a bitchy thing to say unless it was said in a bitchy way, which you can't discern from this.
Furrywhiplash 14
46- please refer back to the FML, "without a trace of humor..." That can be taken a couple different ways, most of them being negative. In my opinion that is saying she wishes that OP was never born. Which wouldn't make me laugh at all. OP, you don't deserve it, FYL.
downtime 13
58, Didn't notice that bit :P Still though, she could have been referring to being pregnant being a mistake, it doesn't necessarily reflect on what she thinks of the child.
gleeeeek 7
some people just feel the need to tear other people down... and what better way than on the internet, anonimously?
barbie_9941 13
because he/she had to have seen it coming.... he really set himself up for that.
Devin91 20
Fyl op, but that's hysterical.
luvstrckprncss 5
How do you expect people to message you?
bizarre_ftw 22
Personal messages, FML has them. Well, the site anyway, not the app
ninjuh_wingman 29
Thats funny but yea thats pretty ****** up.
IloveyouJon 11
Your mother sounds like a bitch.
perdix 31
There's a popular line of baby clothing emblazoned with the motto: Should have settled for a ********. Sounds like you should be wearing the adult-sized version.
redbluegreen 41
Kinky.
fadingfaith 4
Why would parents want their babies to wear something that says something like that?
redbluegreen 41
I think they're more like gag gifts than anything else. They have a whole line of them at Spencer's.
Furrywhiplash 14
There are people trashy and stupid enough to put that kind of stuff on their kids. Google image search it. It's quite upsetting that those kind of people exist...
blueandpurpleroc 4
Well that was a lovely thing to learn.