Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML
Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML
Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML
Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Today, I told my mom I was thinking of having a baby. She told me it was a huge mistake because children cost a fortune, make you miserable, and if she'd had her chance again she would have gotten her tubes tied when she was 18 and saved herself the grief. Gee, thanks mom. FML
Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML
Today, my alarm went off at 6:30am. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year-old guy. FML
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Top comments
draegbomb 5
In other words you were a load your mother should've swallowed.
Linkerdoodles 15
Well, your mom is kind of a bitch. Sorry OP.
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Comments (108)
kriegs444 5
Well you were asking for OP.
KiddNYC1O 22
It burns. Don't it?
xxGhost_Wolfxx 2
Well 3am is satan's hour.
SuddsTv 6
@xxGhost_Wolfxx
KrazyKlutzyKali 2
She really loves you, huh?
linkinpark98 24
From the bottom of her icebox. (Heart)
67fb 0
mom 1 op 0
Unincredible 5
Who's up at three in the morning in the first place?
5t3ff1k4h 47
Um... half the world? A lot of people decide to not go to bed until the wee hours of the morning. Others just can't sleep. And if the only time you have to bang your hubby is 3 am, why not? Just FYI, it's 1:40 am where I live right now.
datlocolatino 3
I think im in love with fayedanielle!
PawnShopPenguin 4
You should have replied with, "Well I guess that's true because that's about the time that I saved your drunk ass from getting run over a few years ago!"
br0ccoli 15
Your mom has a great memory. Be glad to have those genes.