Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend won't stay over at my apartment anymore. Why? Because she saw a few roaches. Pest control comes every week and I spray every other day, so there's only so much I can about it. The worst part is now it's extremely difficult to spend time together because she lives with her mom and sister, who argue nonstop. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML
Today, after months of my girlfriend crying about cockroaches, I finally called and paid for an exterminator. Now she's furious at me for "making decisions for her" and she keeps pointing out that, since she owns the house, what I did was technically illegal. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
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Top comments
Livelife121 30
It's ******* flying roaches, who doesn't have an extreme fear of them?
Wizardo 34
Well that's a ridiculous racial stereotype, you should educate her OP.
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Comments (103)
SiegeOfTheSiren 9
My word, was she raised by Bear Grylls? OP, you're not alone. I would never touch ANY roach--flying or otherwise. They're the bane of my existence.
quelsauvage 12
Those terrifying bastards launch into the air and I turn into Hudson from "Aliens": "Game over, man! Game over!"
JoseIsAdork 31
what's that lovely scent you're wearing... oh is it ignorance and racism I smell?? sorry op! sounds like she wasn't a keeper!!
SartorialGnome 1
man up. Dip that sucker in chocolate. Or add it to some chicken stock, throw in some carrots and baby you got a stew going!
Magestic_Turtle 4
Capture a flying roach and let it out by her and see how freaky she finds them.
ebrainer1 9
You will remember this as the day you almost got over your fear of flying roaches.
DaniDove11 4
Is that seriously what people think of us?
Funnyguyproblems 1
Ignorant bitch.
RidingCJ 17
break up with her. sheesh
Veladus 4
Let me tell you a little story. Remember Steve Irwin? Crocodile guy? Always screwing around with the world's deadliest wildlife? He was absolutely terrified of one animal, and one animal only. Cockatoos. Yes, white (usually) parrots with a crest. His father's bit him when he was a small child and did a lot of damage to his tiny little hand. On an adult, it can hurt (what animal's bite doesn't hurt?) but it can't do any real damage. Further, cockatoos are notoriously affectionate rather than aggressive. I have one; she's the sweetest little creature I've ever known. If you think a puppy is clingy and lovey, you've seen an umbrella or moluccan cockatoo. Yet the guy who wrestled crocodiles for fun was terrified of them. Having a phobia of an animal or insect has nothing to do with how "manly" you are.