Today, my girlfriend won't stay over at my apartment anymore. Why? Because she saw a few roaches. Pest control comes every week and I spray every other day, so there's only so much I can about it. The worst part is now it's extremely difficult to spend time together because she lives with her mom and sister, who argue nonstop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after months of my girlfriend crying about cockroaches, I finally called and paid for an exterminator. Now she's furious at me for "making decisions for her" and she keeps pointing out that, since she owns the house, what I did was technically illegal. FML
Today, and every other weekend for the past 4 weeks, my boyfriend has made the 2 and a half hour drive to come stay with me. For some reason, every time he comes down, we see 1 or 2 cockroaches in my house. I'm at home most of the time, and I never see any cockroaches. I swear they're conspiring to make me look bad. FML
Today, my boyfriend's mom is talking shit about me to anyone who will listen, all because I refused to stay at her house and help her with a few chores she said she would pay me for. She keeps leaving out the part where I saw dozens of bed bugs not even 5 minutes after I got there. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend and I moved into our first home together, signing a 1-year lease. Less than 12 hours later, we've discovered that the place is infested with cockroaches and we have a mouse. The landlord won't let us out of the contract. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML
Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML
Today, I've lived in my apartment for over 5 years with no bugs, as I'm phobic of them. I broke up with my ex, who smirked at me and declared war. I now have thousands of roaches that I can't get rid of. Coincidence? FML
Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Rake 18
Maybe it's time to find a new apartment? Roaches sound like a general mood kill without being specific for that person
RichardPencil 32
Maybe you can go live in the Hotel California -- where you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave. Or is that Roach Motel? I get so confused!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Maybe you can go live in the Hotel California -- where you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave. Or is that Roach Motel? I get so confused!
Marcella1016 32
Lmao I was mentally rolling through the lyrics trying to figure out where that part came from, then saw your second line. Well done lol
Rake 18
Maybe it's time to find a new apartment? Roaches sound like a general mood kill without being specific for that person
JasonThorn 23
Try Advion Cockroach(tm). Why am I a booster for them? Because one tube of their insecticide wiped out a house-wide infestation in one week. You'll be sweeping up/vacuuming up the little bodies for a few days, but they never came back for six years until we moved.
DLBL 23
A FEW roaches? after all that spraying? A few means thousands behind the stove and in the walls. Get a new place, and for God's sake, keep your food sealed up tight and leave absolutely no crumbs anywhere.