Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend won't stay over at my apartment anymore. Why? Because she saw a few roaches. Pest control comes every week and I spray every other day, so there's only so much I can about it. The worst part is now it's extremely difficult to spend time together because she lives with her mom and sister, who argue nonstop. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML
Today, after months of my girlfriend crying about cockroaches, I finally called and paid for an exterminator. Now she's furious at me for "making decisions for her" and she keeps pointing out that, since she owns the house, what I did was technically illegal. FML
Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Today, I woke up to the feeling of something crawling up my leg. I threw back the bed sheets and saw it was a cockroach. My dad said my ensuing scream was so girlish that he wondered what the hell my sister was doing in my bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, my boyfriend found out about my severe phobia of moths. It's so bad that I sometimes pass out. He caught a moth in a jar, and put it on my bedside table. I woke up, saw it, and had a panic attack. He recorded it all and wants to upload it to YouTube. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Today, my girlfriend viciously chewed me out for not taking a sandwich to work to save money. I don't have a problem with packing lunches, but the store-brand white bread she insists on buying is disgusting. She won't listen to me, and refuses to let me buy anything else. FML
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Top comments
Livelife121 30
It's ******* flying roaches, who doesn't have an extreme fear of them?
Wizardo 34
Well that's a ridiculous racial stereotype, you should educate her OP.
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Comments (103)
imtooshy 18
You're girlfriend is demented!
RedPillSucks 33
She probably doesn't mean "eat stuff like that for breakfast" literally. Tell her you were expecting a modern independent woman who would kill her own damn bugs
morella_xx 29
Thank you... I was starting to think I was the only one who understood that phrase is not meant to be literal. I can forgive OP if there's a language gap, but the rest of the FML commenters? Disappointing, guys.
SaintJimmyxx 8
lol racist bitch
jrod9327 17
This was a very stupid statement on her part. I'm from the Caribbean and while roaches are common place, it doesn't mean you cant fear them. They sneak up on you and I think that might be what scares op, not necessarily that they just exist.
buckdharma 38
I eat flying fish for breakfast. Does that count?
exlexx 12
your gf is right. man the f... up. face your fears or get help with your phobia.
bmerlucci 10
She sounds stupid
sarahhanlen 11
No offended but your girlfriend is an idiot.
aceboogieswagg 7
Throw one on her while shes asleep
Xotoolyxo 16
Make her some for date night