Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, I decided to finally talk to my crush. I said, "Hello" to which he replied, "First, dye your hair blonde and grow some boobs, then we can talk business." FML
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML
Today, I felt fairly depressed about being single for the holidays during work. This cute girl came to my register asking about our sales ad. After telling her we had no copies, she asked for my number. I shouted: "Finally, someone wants to go out with me." She wanted the store's number to call. FML
Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams, the girl I've loved for 3 years. I went to her desk and surprised her with roses, chocolates, and played “All I Want for Christmas is You.” She said no. On top of that, she ate all the chocolates. FML
Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a graduation gift: a new boyfriend. FML
Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML
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Top comments
MidnightRain3 16
Ouch. Lol
hannah_cheers 30
If he cares more about looks than personality, he isn't worth it, OP. Find someone who will find you beautiful no matter what.
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Comments (133)
Mikepwnes 2
May I be the first to say, that was smooth as ****.
RoboCunnilingus 23
You may not.
austinsonic 6
No offense, but, that guy kinda sounds like a douchebag.
IamHercules 24
What a dick
Classy_Sassy_15 15
Wow that really sucks time to find a new crush
makp_x 7
Hahaha ouch.
YoursAlways98 13
What a dick I'm so sorry OP
Sweet_Visions 13
Damn that must've hurt...
XBurytheCastleX 25
You're a genius, and he's a prick. Thanks for posting this though, it's a great idea and I would like to try it out on someone.
heyitsbae 13
Omg I was on moderation and I hit the green button on this. I contributed to this feature. YAS!
d2theave1904 6
daaaaaaammmmmnnnnnn!!!!!!!!