Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML
Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML
Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied, "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML
Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML
Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
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Top comments
latuka 0
OUCH.
Jimboom 12
So he couldn't be arsed to have phone sex? So what? Usually it takes a long time and the guy could have brought himself to ****** at least twice by the time the dirty talk turns the women on enough to climax. I see no FML here. More like FMF (**** my fingers). Buy a vibrator. On a side note it's really his loss. Phone sex can be very hot. :)
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Comments (207)
simplysmile 0
She was horny, she thought she would be a tad kinky and text her boyfriend. She probably expected a response like "man i wish I could join you" or SOMETHING that indicated he was turned on even the slightest bit. Instead, he turned her down which made her feel stupid which makes this an FML.
Ldy_S_FTW 0
LOL. invest in a toy. they keep goin and goin until u turn the power off...which is more than i can say about any guy =]
Dutchie2010 0
haha!
jadzia 0
Agreed with #31. She wasn't necessarily expecting the dude to drive over instantly, but his reply was cold. My bf would totally say something like that, which is why I don't even bother with those texts anymore :/
Chocolate_Chunk 2
which is maybe exactly what he wanted because such texts are ******* stupid teenager crap?
shamille 5
and he had the nerve to add xoxo that is hilarious.
Bakke 0
Word to #8. This ain't really a FML.
alex_vik 1
Only 6 months and you're trying to have sex? You deserved it.
CharLotte_23 0
LOL at #32 ! so true.
fylxx 0
agreed with #31. all of you need to calm down. the worst part is that he responded like a dick, not that he didn't want to have sex for once.
rkwlnvrdy13 0
this made me rofl