ltwlty
Beijing, China
Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Dragoness11
Northampton, United Kingdom
Shy bowels
Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML
Anonymous
Not now!
Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
pleasestop
Australia
Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML
op-poopy
Canada
Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML
Anon
Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML
Numbass123
Las Vegas, United States
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
walnutbladder
United States
Today, I realized that every time I hear running water, I have less than a minute to find a toilet or I'll pee my pants. FML
Anonymous
*Friends theme music plays*
Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML
missbutthole
United States
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Top comments
LyricaSilvan 30
Gotta love those conditioned responses. You get so used to things being a certain way, that you can't function normally without those factors. I'm the same way with my sleep; I HAVE to have a fan on, because I've gotten used to the sound of it. If I don't, I don't sleep, or at least not well.
mermaidkeels 26
Dinner at Taco Bell should fix that!
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Comments (28)
Nicole_S_ 13
ok this fml is just tmi
NakedandAfraid 14
Pavlov's butthole ?
JEHR 13
Just ring a bell and turn on fan and the cycle will never end. For those who aren't aware, Google Pavlov's dog.
Jared900DUmpling 30
That makes sense. I can't seem to get off unless I can hear orphans crying in the background. Funny how life works... (Dont hunt me down police pls this is a joke)
creditless 14
there's an app for that called ReLAX Melodies
Jacorama 8
Same
TheHcwalker 20
Turn the fan on either during the beginning of the dump, then turn it off near the end, or make it quieter and quieter each time.
flossingpancake 18
I hope you don't go deaf
AngryWNY 3
same