Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML
Today, a co-worker has the office next to mine. The walls are not soundproofed. I can hear him farting loudly throughout the day. He spread a rumor around the office that he can hear me farting all day. Another coworker told me and gave me advice on foods not to eat, that gave people bad gas. FML
Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only woman in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML
Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML
Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML
Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
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Top comments
dahgreyman 0
move to a different spot? what the hell.
dare68 2
So sit somewhere else...
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Comments (25)
dahgreyman 0
move to a different spot? what the hell.
eyepuppy 31
But then I wouldn't be sitting in my favorite spot. Don't tell me how to live my life.
DirtySalamander 9
suck it up snowflake
ber4fun 23
Can you sit somewhere else?
dare68 2
So sit somewhere else...
Gaz_2_0 10
Maybe you could ask your boss or manager if it would be possible for you to have your seat moved.
RichardPencil 32
Wear earplugs? And a noseclip should help, too. You won't taste anything, but that's better than having everything taste like shit.
Tripartita 45
Am I correct in assuming you've already patented this incredibly specific dieting method? I can't imagine you'd just tell us all your secret for free.
diisneygirl 2
Sit somewhere else?
Moerighan 23
Oh no, better have the bathrooms moved then, what an inconvenience. That was sarcasm by the way.
brewmasterg 34
Does your work not have a kitchen/break room?
cootiequeen4444 11
"is work day" code for another day in prison? ...because I'm not really sure why you would HAVE to sit near a toilet that colleagues would use and you hear /everything/ unless it's like a prison cell w/ cellmates. Otherwise, dear lawd, is your butt glued to that seat permanently? just move yer arse away from the bathroom. I'm genuinely curious why you didn't do that? and why would you purposefully sit right next to the bathroom. Even on my most anti-social days, I'd eat in a crowded room (even if kids are inclided) than sit right by the ******* bathroom. that's narsty!