Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML
Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML
Today, i managed to carve an hour out of my daily working-from-home grind to get some exercise and fresh air, only to spend all of that time stuck in the bathroom trying to take the same shit. I fucking loathe having Crohn's disease. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML
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Top comments
Perdition 4
There are these things called bushes. Generally located in the vicinity of everywhere, they can be used for a multitude of activities, including: - Looking pretty - Looking ugly - Being shaped into odd animals - Being shaped into objects and shapes - Covering someone while they take a shit - and more! Please call 1 123 456 7890 to reserve your FREE copy of "How to man up and not be a pansy about things"!
xxAlli 0
Go to another building instead of waiting?
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Comments (136)
theotherguy89 0
first!!!!!!!
whiteboy7thst 2
Waste of valuable comment space...
lyn29 0
plouf ...helps ?
Docbee 11
...Dx that sounds like a shitty situation
bbucaro98 0
take a dump on the doormat
nolaneldridge 1
cartman style
Discombobulated9 12
...I've never known someone to be so full of shit.
Epilepsy_fml 0
The same puns over and over again are not funny at all...
Discombobulated9 12
People putting a downer on the mood aren't funny at all...
imacreeper 3
48, he's not being a downer, it's just that that shit gets old and annoying.
Discombobulated9 12
#50 Was that a pun? :D
imacreeper 3
glad you caught it!
eshhayz 0
talk about a shitty situation !!
PurpleRae420 0
So take their newspaper and go behind the buidling squat and do your business lol having to go outside happens to all of us just don't shit yourself !!
imacreeper 3
75..no sweetie *sigh*..just..just no.
urdirtyolduncle 15
75-- Wow, your streak of getting thumbed down is greater than a nerd's kill-streaks while playing COD.
zendaddy0 0
wow that must of been an intense moment
stephmariee17 0
you're in a shit load of trouble my friend. but why would you be at your work a half an hour before they open? go to the nearest place where there's a bathroom I guess?
bbucaro98 0
no more puns
angelpies 0
Just shit outside the door.
xxAlli 0
Go to another building instead of waiting?
AppleCurry 0
that's what I was just thinking. Unless his job is in the middle of no where there should be a nearby bathroom.
iLazy 0
Warehouse 13?
kingtz 6
There must be a McDonalds or Starbucks nearby.
DreaminOfMusic 0
32- that is such a cute picture!
mtlooney225 0
just go poop behind a bush. use a leaf for tp(; haha. jp(:
mexicotoucher 7
Don't they have public toilets in New York?
streetllama 4
Just drive somewhere else or did you already drop the load?
A7X_LoVeee 10
Why go to another building when he can just take a dump in the middle of the street?
winnn_fml 0
when it comes to poop it's serious business
i_wuz_nver_here 31
that's some serious shit there
futtbuck101 1
must...resist...but can't!! That's a shitty situation
funnyFMLSplz 0
I just read that in quagmires voice :D
XXizzlerXX 0
you could always poop behind a bush?
sensoon15 7
yea go to another building or just find somewhere isolated and shit.
volley4eva1698 0
bushes are always nice!
theguy33 1
I would just pop a squat behind a tree or something
electric12 0
awe muffin :( lol
chiddy_bang71 0
if u were trying to be funny and cute, u failed.
bamxitsxandreaa 8
^^ hahaha.
fairygirl88 5
try not to get any on the sidewalk
kaleighiscool 0
Uhm; Ew ... O___o ?
TheCrazyAli28 1
how's that ew? that's hilarious
instnt1nfction 17
it's not hilarious it's business
Perdition 4
There are these things called bushes. Generally located in the vicinity of everywhere, they can be used for a multitude of activities, including: - Looking pretty - Looking ugly - Being shaped into odd animals - Being shaped into objects and shapes - Covering someone while they take a shit - and more! Please call 1 123 456 7890 to reserve your FREE copy of "How to man up and not be a pansy about things"!
Perdition 4
Also: OP, you're in freakin' New York. Walk 30 feet and use another company's restroom.
iAmScrubs 19
I called that number 9, and nobody answered.
Sylvee 0
34-you are an idiot.
kaleighiscool 0
35- Your a moron rapped in an idiot.
chickunkey 0
35- You're an idiot as well.
baby_dee97 8
38 you're a moron wrapped in an idiot for spelling wrapped wrong
omg_a_BALLOON 0
47, You're an idiot for not punctuating your sentence.
geko911 22
finaly found the idiot convention!! hey guys how ya all doin??
Perdition 4
^ killed it.
woahbro2slow 0
* y'all
tsim_fml 0
58- win
cupcakeluver1212 0
I think that is the best list I have ever seen in my life.
x_messyjessy_x 0
I'm guessing you are all victims of constipation and the only way of 'releaving' it is to be mean to others :/ hmm
aardvarkish 17
Perdition, I'm impressed. Bravo.
Eggers 2
47- You're just a hypocrite for saying "wrong" when you should have said "incorrectly"
this_female 0
hahaha aww . sucks !
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Surely there is a gas station or something somewhere in the vicinity of your work.
baby_dee97 8
hey don't call me shirley
sourgirl101 29
"Airplane"!