Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying, "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML
Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
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Top comments
xXwolflegionXx 8
Take it back to their house and say "keep your shit off my doorstep"
thisisafunnyname 12
hey, sgit happens
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Comments (113)
Snafuusmc 12
Looks like he Barked up the wrong tree!
maximilian13 4
If they want to play like that, then go to war. Don't just shit on their yard... Squirt some diarrhea up on that. That'll show 'em!!
niniloka 2
im tired of these i dont own a cat i dont own a dog i dont own a horse stories!!!
fmlikecrazy 0
Wrong house?
aFreedom127 9
Then you shouldn't have too much trouble keeping your dog out of their yard.
steviesnm 6
You all know that adding "shit", "dog", or anything else related to the FML into a random sentence doesn't automatically make it funny or a pun?
rulezdunmatter 12
It probably makes it a pun, just not a very good one like you pointed out.
4rmMiami 4
Shit happens to all of us, it sucks literally!
hateevryone 15
that sucks. you need to tell your neighbor that you don't have a dog.
sjhill 32
merry christmas! you are now the proud owner of an imaginary dog. XD
rulezdunmatter 12
Doubt OP would appreciate that gift, considering the first thing it did was get him into trouble.
DudeYmustI 0
An imaginary dog, that really poops!!!!!!!!
rulezdunmatter 12
Was that honestly your best attempt at a pun?
OfficeNinja 5
Do you have any suspects? Nothing says "I won the shit war" like the sight of your (in this case, their) car covered in shit. You can buy large sacks of cow shit from any lawn and garden store. Mix it with water so it gets slimy and sticky, then have at it. When it dries it becomes quite difficult to to remove.